


The Scars We Leave

by Shadow_Paladin



Series: The Scars We Leave [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Clary Fray Bashing, Good Parent Luke Garroway, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jace Wayland Bashing, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:16:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 23,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24202693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow_Paladin/pseuds/Shadow_Paladin
Summary: Alec is absent for the beginning 'adventures' AU, leaving Jace and Izzy alone to discover Clary and follow her into trouble. After Simon is led to betraying Raphael and the New York Clan, he makes a decision that pulls Alec back to the Institute and leaves the others reeling to adjust to it.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Simon Lewis/Raphael Santiago
Series: The Scars We Leave [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2098803
Comments: 81
Kudos: 657





	1. Left Behind

**Author's Note:**

> Simon's POV

He bumped into another wall and grabbed at the smooth stone in an attempt to stabilize himself. His head spun with the effort and he blinked away the tears trying to form out of pain. He was starving, literally to the point that he didn’t feel the hunger anymore and it seemed his body had very little energy to run on if he was hurt from whacking against a  _ wall _ . He stayed still for another moment to try and let the sensation pass before straightening slightly and moving on. Or stumbling on.  _ Whatever _ kind of movement he was still capable of which, you know, wasn’t a lot. He chuckled darkly under his breath at his extremely pathetic attempt at self-deprecating humor and felt the few shadowhunters in the hallway give him questioning glances. They looked like they wanted to ask why he was even there. He was asking himself that too. 

The hallway stretched on for what seemed like miles. He couldn’t tell if it was actually that long or if he was making less progress than he thought. It was so hard to concentrate… His vision started to tilt and he dropped to his knees hoping the lack of motion would settle it. He was so out of it he almost didn’t see the shoes in front of him. The shoes that were attached to legs that stretched out of his non-functioning vision. They seemed to appear out of nowhere since he  _ definitely _ didn’t see them walk over to him. He was in worse shape than he thought. 

The gray spots finally faded from the corners of his eyes and he looked up. This shadowhunter was one he hadn’t met yet despite his few days at the Institute. He was… scary. Terrifying even. He was dressed completely in black which was… well not really unusual for shadowhunters now that he thought about it, but it seemed to add to the cold aura he projected. He was pale but dark haired with a scowl on his face which made his unruly hair seem unstyled rather than messy. Like he had bigger issues to deal with than fixing his hair. Issues like him it seemed. The shadowhunter had the most brilliant shade of blue eyes he’d ever seen on a real human being and they were focusing on him with an intensity not unlike laser beams. Not good. Was this what it’s like to be at Catholic school? When you went to your dorm room after doing something wrong only to run into the head nun who was like, waiting for you and you only have seconds to contemplate your fate before she puts the literal fear of god into you?

He opened his mouth but paused before snapping it shut again. Maybe it wasn’t the smartest idea to ask the nephilim, children of angels, questions about Catholic school. Although, did they even know what Catholic school was? Did the Institute count as a Catholic school since it was a church or was it Christian? Or was it not counted under a specific religion at all… his thoughts were cut off abruptly as the shadowhunter finally spoke. 

“What are you doing on the floor, or in the Institute for that matter? I was unaware of any meetings with vampires happening anytime soon.”

The voice was deep and sure. It had that resounding lilt to his statement people get when they know they are right. Somewhat like the way Jace talked all the time but where Jace sounded smug this guy just sounded in control. Like there was no possible chance he was wrong. 

It was quiet for several seconds while he put his thoughts in order and cleared his dry throat. Then he spoke and surprised himself by saying, “I don’t know.” The words were quiet and cracked on the end both from his body’s own weakness and the brutal honesty that carried them. He ran his tongue over his lips to wet them and stared at the floor as the words washed over him.  _ What was he doing there?  _ Being in the Institute felt like some kind of sick joke, like the universe was mocking him by forcing him to be in the last place he wanted to see right now.

A hand pulled him out of his contemplation and, literally, off the floor. His body rose to a standing position but his knees buckled almost instantly and sent him falling back towards the ground. The shadowhunter grabbed at his shoulder with his other hand and supported him, keeping him upright as he moved around his body. He slung an arm under his shoulder and around his back, wrapping around his opposite side to hold him up, and began moving to the end of the hall before turning and taking them down another hall. All of the sudden movements made his head swim again and he couldn’t focus on most of the trip, only barely aware of them even climbing a staircase at one point to the second floor. Well… the shadowhunter climbed the staircase. It may have been his lack of cognizance but it actually felt like the guy was carrying him up the stairs and his feet never touched the floor. He tried really hard not to think about that too much. 

They moved for a bit longer before the stranger stopped in front of a door. The only one in this hallway, he realized as he looked up and down. A hallway he didn’t recognize in the slightest despite his time in the building. Great. He knew vampires didn’t have the best rap and he really hoped the stranger wasn’t taking him up to be tortured or something seeing as they didn’t know each other. He remained silent, trying not to make the stranger angry as he unlocked the door and walked them both into an office of sorts. The room was unlike anything else he’d seen in the Institute. 

There was a simple wooden desk against the far wall which held a huge stain-glass window of an angel battling a demon. There were a few smaller tables in the front of the room with chairs for visitors and cohorts. The walls were mostly outfitted with bookcases and cabinets with the exception of one space filled with a large fireplace. With the exception of the fireplace and a desk light there were very few lamps in the room. Overall, despite what he’d come to expect from shadowhunters and their working spaces the room seemed… somehow comfortable. Something in the back of his mind whispered  _ “safe” _ but he quickly smothered it. He hadn’t been safe in days. His new friend (ally? Non-torturer?) guided him to one of the chairs directly in front of the desk and lightly pushed him to sit in it. His footsteps, almost too light to be heard and didn’t _ that _ just make him jealous, moved to the door and out into the hallway immediately afterwards. Left alone in the empty office he sighed and lowered his head to his hands, balancing his elbows on the chair’s armrests to hold himself up. 

How did he get here? In this position? To the point that he didn’t know what he was going to do tomorrow- if he would be  _ around _ tomorrow- and had no one he could turn to. Clary, Isabelle, and Jace had been out the last few days searching for the Book of White and hadn’t bothered to check in with him, leaving him at the Institute. A lone vampire among shadowhunters who preferred to see his kind dead rather than  _ un _ dead. And although he didn’t think he could stand to talk to them if they  _ were _ here after what they’d done to him, at least he’d have the option. Instead he felt like he’d been left adrift in no-man’s land. Floating until everything caught up with him and he sank into nothingness. And all of this was because of Clary. His one-time best friend. The only person who could stand his presence for longer than a few hours at a time. The only person who let him continue to ramble on about Star Wars without rolling her eyes and listened to his music without complaint. He’d thought those things were a sign, that if she could deal with him at his worst she would eventually love him at his best. For so long he’d thought she was his  _ only _ chance. He didn’t have a lot going for him that attracted life partners and he didn’t try to fool himself on that one. So he’d loved her and let himself believe that someday they’d have a future together. That was the reason meeting Jace had hurt him so much. He’d been forced to watch as Jace pulled Clary into this new world he wasn’t a part of. A place he couldn’t follow her to. And sure enough, she’d left him behind at first. He’d ended up there eventually, but it was more because the shadow hunters had needed use of his van than wanted his presence. At that point he’d become merely an afterthought to Clary. He’d accepted it then, that he had lost the love he’d hoped for most of his life but he moved on. After all he didn’t have a chance as her lover but he was still her best friend, would fight tooth and nail to keep that position, so he dealt with his jealousy over Jace as best he could and moved on with his life. And then he’d died.

He lifted his head slightly out of his hands at the sound of the door opening, hearing the shadowhunter who’d brought him here enter the room and then seeing the other man take a seat behind the desk. The stranger reached across the desk and set a large mug on the edge in front of him. The smell of blood hit him almost immediately and he couldn’t help but reach out to grab the cup, pulling it towards himself and draining most of it in one go. He felt the liquid coat his throat as he drank and he was flooded with new energy. He felt revitalized and more fueled than he had since he arrived in the Institute after… after it happened. The man sat perfectly straight in the chair and crossed his arms over his chest, looking at him again with those piercing eyes throughout the entire process. When he finished the last of the blood in the mug, much slower than he had initially, and set it back on the desk the shadowhunter spoke. His words allowed for no argument or stalling. 

“What are you doing here? You have that air of the recently turned and no one would let a new vamp wander around alone and starving. That is, of course, ignoring the fact that you shouldn’t be in the Institute in the first place. You can’t be here because you were accidentally turned or have no sire since someone clearly taught you how to drink without a body.”

He swallowed hard and looked down at the desk. “I-I’m here because there’s nowhere else to be”, he said softly. 

The shadowhunter raised a single eyebrow. “Reeeally”, the man said dryly. “You have nowhere to be so you thought you’d just hang out at the New York Institute?”

He had to give him that one. It did sound a little ridiculous when he said it out loud. “It’s more accurate to say I don’t have anywhere else to go”, he told him. “I can’t go back to my mom and sister. I don’t have enough control to be around them yet and even if I did I have no way to explain what happened to me. Luke mentioned something about staying with him but the rest of the pack wouldn’t like it, having a vampire that close to them all the time. The Institute may not be the best option either but it’s the only one left. At least until I can figure something else out.”

“You didn’t disagree with my statement about having a sire. Even if there are issues there it’d be better to set up a meeting with the New York Clan than stay at the Institute.” the shadowhunter said. 

He flinched and curled his fingers around the end of the armrest to steady them. He could feel the other man watching his every move intently.

“The New York clan isn’t an option. Period.” he said finally. 

“That still doesn’t explain how you ended up wandering the halls here without an escort. Even if there are valid reasons for your presence here I’m afraid there is protocol to be followed. Who left you here alone?” 

“I-I don’t think I’m allowed to tell you”, he stuttered out. Was he? Was he supposed to talk or not talk? Clar- The others had left him here with no real instruction after leaving the Hotel Dumort. And as much as he hated what they’d done to him, what they’d made him do, he was still stuck. He’d signed that document absolving Camille of her crimes against him but did that completely erase everything that happened? If he told this guy and the story reached back to the Clave could the New York Clan still get in trouble? He didn’t know enough to make that call and even if he could, did it matter? Jace, Isabelle, and Clary seemed to have run of the Institute because they were related to the heads. 

The shadowhunter interrupted his train of thought again. “It is a simple question.  _ Who brought you here? _ I won’t ask again.” The man’s eyes were narrowed slits of blue now and his mouth had formed a thin line. It unnerved him enough to speak. 

“Jace, Isabelle, and Clary!” he shouted, digging his nails into the armrests. 

The man’s eyes widened a bit and he leaned back into his chair and sighed, bringing a hand to his temple. “You are going to tell me everything.” he stated. It was not a request. “From the beginning until now. You will leave  _ nothing _ out.”

He swallowed again and looked past the man to stare at the glass angel in the window. After all, what did it matter at this point? This was his new reality and if Isabelle had made the call with Clary to release Camille there was nothing this random shadowhunter could do to override her decisions. He’d released Camille of any responsibility she had for his murder and the Clan had disavowed her. Everything she did now had no associate with them. The Clan would be safe.  _ The Clan would be safe. And he was tired.  _ With this mantra in mind, staring unblinkingly at the angel, he began to speak. 

“It started when I went out with Clary Fray, my best friend, to a club for a night of partying…”

He spoke of what happened at the club and the weirdness with Clary afterwards. He spoke of looking for her later and meeting Jace and Isabelle for the first time. Learning about shadowhunters and the downworld. He spoke of being turned into a rat and being kidnapped by vampires. Meeting Camille and the interest she took in him. How Raphael had warned him, tried to protect him the only way he could, and how he didn’t listen. He spoke of his death. His murder. How Camille gloated over her power and his weakness as she killed him. He spoke of his rebirth. How he awoke in his grave and had to face the world again. How angry he was with Clary and Raphael. How Raphael helped him. Taught him and protected him. How Raphael gave him a new home. A new family that understood what he was going through. Finally, he spoke of how Clary ended his life for a second time.

“Raphael told her no”, he said. “He told her Camille was too dangerous to let out and that there was no guarantee she would help us even if we did. He said it was best that she stayed right where she was where she couldn’t hurt anyone else. Clary didn’t agree. We needed the Book of White to wake Jocelyn and Camille was the only one who could tell us where it was. We had to talk to her and Raphael wasn’t going to let that happen. After he told us that Clary pulled me aside. She wanted me to talk to him. To try and change his mind.” He thought back to that night. How Clary had looked pleadingly at him and asked him to help her. 

“What did you do?” the man asked. 

He felt the faint beginnings of a smile. That night, in that moment, he’d had a sudden clarity. Raphael made the decisions because he was the head of the Clan. He was the head because he watched out for all of them, he  _ cared _ about all of them, and every decision he made was to keep the Clan safe. In that instant, his answer had been certain. 

“I told her no.” he said aloud. “Raphael had made his decision. And even if it wasn’t the one we wanted, I wouldn’t go against it. Part of me was happy with the call he made. Camille terrified me. I never wanted to see her again and I hoped she would stay bound in that box for the rest of her life. A place where she couldn’t hurt me or anyone else ever again.”

The man looked vaguely surprised. “And they were alright with that?” he asked, referring to Clary and Isabelle. The smile dropped from his face as he was dragged back to reality and what happened next. 

“No.” he said simply. “Clary was not okay with that. When she realized I meant what I said, that I would  _ not _ help her get Camille out she told me it was fine. She’d just go to the Clave and tell them what Camille had done to me. They’d come to take Camille off the Clan’s hands and she could talk to her about the Book of White then.” He felt his eyes water remembering how  _ pleased _ she’d looked with her plan. How she would get what she wanted and everything would be fine. How ignorant she was of the consequences the New York Clan would face. How could she? Why did she do that to him? Did she not realize what she was condemning them to, the vampires who’d done everything they could in a bad situation?

“She would’ve implicated them”, he said out loud. “When I was killed Camille was still head of the Clan. They may have gotten rid of her  _ because _ of what she did to me but the Clave probably wouldn’t care. They’d see the other vampires, Raphael, as supporting or enabling Camille during that time and they’d all be punished for her actions.” He imagined it. Raphael facing down a Clave member while the other vampires huddled in the back of the hotel, unable to leave. The Clave refusing to believe that the Clan didn’t agree with Camille’s actions and sentencing them all to face punishment for breaking the accords. Lily being dragged out as she fought and Stan being hit and forced to stand even though he  _ didn’t _ fight. Raphael, being run through with a sword or a stele on the spot for trying to defend his people. “The Clan would’ve been eradicated because Clary couldn’t take no for an answer and refused to find a different way.” 

“You helped her.” the man said. 

“Yeah. I helped her. I went to Raphael and tried to talk to him. Tried to get him to reconsider. And while I did, Clary and Isabelle went to the basement and freed Camille. They made a deal that I would release her of any responsibility for my murder and she would tell them where the book was. Raphael and I heard what was happening right after they finished. By the time we got downstairs, Camille was out.” He swallowed. “Raphael was furious. Rightly so. He was also disappointed. With me. He said that I was still putting the shadowhunters ahead of our people. That I hadn’t learned anything.” He started to shake, remembering the look of betrayal on Raphael’s face. How he’d been both shocked and unsurprised that he would consider the shadowhunters more important than even Raphael himself. 

“He exiled me”, he whispered brokenly, “because he couldn’t trust me and I’d already shown that I didn’t care about what was best for the Clan. That if Clary asked me to do something else, I would. And it’s true. I’m a traitor.” 

_ Traitor, traitor, traitor.  _ His mind whispered on repeat.  _ You don’t deserve the Clan or Raphael. Look at what you did to them. You released Camille, the one person who has a reason to actively try to  _ kill _ Raphael for taking her power. It may not be today. It may not be tomorrow, but someday she  _ will _ come for him. And it will be all  _ YOUR _ fault! _

“You’re telling me that Clarissa Fairchild did this? That Isabelle allowed it to happen and aided it?” The man sounded furious. He barely heard him. 

Why? Why had it come to this? Everything was gone. In a blip of his new lifespan everyone he knew would be dead. He’d be left with no one. And Clary had cut him off from the only people who would have been there with him through it all. The only people who would live as long as he did. And she didn’t care. She told him it was fine, when she’d brought him to the Institute afterwards, that it was better this way. And then she’d gone. Disappeared with Isabelle and Jace  _ again _ without telling him anything. Did she really not care what happened to him? Did he not matter in the slightest to her anymore? What happened to the girl he grew up with, the one who dreamed of making the world better for  _ everyone  _ and had so much heart and love to give? When had she become so  _ self-centered _ ?

There was a ringing in his ears that drowned out all other noise. The same strange feeling of emptiness he’d felt for days now but could no longer ignore. He wanted to scream. He wanted to beg for forgiveness. But there was no forgiveness. Not for him. He’d brought this on himself. The Clan had been his new family. They’d been there when he was trying to adjust to his new path in life. When he realized that he couldn’t be with his mom and his sister anymore. They’d mourned with him over the lack of the sun and cheered him up by allowing him to force them into random movie nights. They plied him with blood when he forgot to drink and accidentally starved himself and they dragged him out of his room to hang out and talk when he fell into bouts of depression. And Raphael… Raphael had picked him up. Raphael hadn’t forced him to become a vampire, despite what he first said when he crawled from his grave, but he had taught him how to live with it. How to accept it and keep going. It was Raphael who told him he wasn’t a monster and that he  _ did _ still have a future. And he’d betrayed Raphael in the worst way possible. 

Maybe it was the sudden influx of blood after starving for days. Maybe it was the retelling of his tale in its entirety and realizing the magnitude of what had happened. Maybe it was just the combined effort of days spent agonizing over what he’d lost. Regardless, he had a sudden burst of clarity. He had nothing. He was completely alone. He’d condemned his family, the people who cared about him, to having to face a sadist and murderer for the second time with no knowledge of how or when she’d strike.  _ His life was gone. Again. Only this time, he didn’t deserve to live. _

He rose from the chair and moved to the door. He heard the man saying something to him, then yelling at him, but it sounded like it was coming from a great distance rather than one room. He ran into the hallway and down the fist set of stairs he found. He sped through one hallway, then two, until he finally came to an area of the Institute he recognized. He continued through the halls to a door he knew well. He usually used it to access the Institute’s gardens at night when everyone was asleep. Where he could look up to the endless sky and stare at the moon since the roof had been removed decades earlier. Now, in mid-afternoon during the hottest part of the day, it would serve another purpose. He felt a presence approaching quickly from behind him but they would be too late. For the first time since he last saw Raphael’s face that night in the hotel he felt at peace. He threw open the doors and stepped forward into the light.


	2. Time to Face the Facts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Magnus's POV

He looked up at the Institute and let out a large sigh. He didn’t enjoy visiting institutes in general, but the New York Institute invoked particularly strong feelings of aversion within him. His history with this specific institute was known in the downworld gossip channels to be lousy, and his history with the shadowhunters who currently ran it was known by his close friends to be… well, the nicest words he had to describe Maryse and Robert Lightwood included rotten and unsavory. And the feeling was mutual amongst all parties. He never came to the New York Institute unless it was completely necessary, and when he did he made sure they paid triple his usual rate. He was petty like that. 

With that in mind, he looked to his side at the friend who’d prompted this visit. Raphael had been his friend and ally just about as long as he’d been a vampire. In some ways he considered the boy a son. That was why he was standing in front of the New York Institute just after nightfall. He hadn’t been aware of the situation arising between the New York Clan and the Institute until Raphael had called him the night before and explained what had occured with Biscuit, Simon, and Camille. His boy put on a brave front but he’d known Raphael long enough to be able to tell when he was worried. He was worried too. Camille was loose again and this time she had a bone to pick with the Clan, but mostly with Raphael himself. His boy had actively stripped her power from her and set up her punishment. Camille wasn’t the type to forgive and forget. Eventually, she’d come to claim her revenge and there was little they could do to prepare for it without knowing what she was up to. He had feelers out on that front, not about to let Raphael face her wrath alone, but the Camille situation would have to wait a few hours. Before they could deal with  _ her _ they had to deal with the shadowhunters.

When he’d learned what happened, he’d been disappointed with Sherman. Sure the fledgling had talked a lot, far too much in fact, but he’d been a genuinely nice boy and was adjusting well to vampire life. The Clan enjoyed having him around and despite what Raphael said, he was also fond of him. He’d actually seen Raphael do things for Stuart and act around him in ways he’d never seen from Raphael before. It was almost like a miracle and regardless of the shape their relationship formed in the end he was happy for both of them. And then Samuel had ruined it by betraying the Clan to enable Clarissa. He couldn’t say he thought it was the best idea to exile the boy as a result, he’d only been a vampire for a few days after all and he had strong bonds with Biscuit and Jocelyn, but he understood how severe the situation was. He was angry on Raphael’s behalf with both Spike and Biscuit. She was quickly shaping up to be less and less of the girl he’d watched grow up and more like the arrogant shadowhunters that now surrounded her. And she’d be getting nothing else from him as a result. Whatever sympathy aid he had been providing her and her tag-along friends was finished as of this moment. Regardless of her and Steve’s feelings Camille was still loose and the shadowhunters, in typical fashion, were still involving themselves. 

Raphael had only broken down and told him about Simon and Camille when he received a formal meeting request from the head of the New York Institute over the recent “Camille” problem, but no details about what they actually wanted. Besides the fact that Isabelle had apparently been with Clarissa when this occurred he didn’t think the Lightwoods were involved with this at all. Before receiving the meeting request he’d actually believed they were in Idris. This made for some very shaky ground with the New York Clan. Since Camille had apparently been absolved of her crimes against Simon the shadowhunters should theoretically have no further business with the Clan. That they were calling on them now was suspicious and concerning. With Camille free and undoubtedly plotting Raphael couldn’t afford to burn whatever bridges he may have with the shadowhunters in case of trouble, even after what Clarissa and Isabelle had done. That didn’t mean he was going to let Raphael face them alone though. Even if his presence worked against Raphael due to his relationship with the senior Lightwoods he would be there as a protective measure. If they planned to somehow twist the blame for this on Raphael they’d have to go through him. Raphael’s second, Lily, had insisted on coming along for similar reasons and now all three of them were about to face the unknown. 

As if she could sense him thinking about her Lily leaned forward to look at him around Raphael. “So are we going in then?” she asked. 

He hummed. “Might as well. No point in putting it off I suppose… although if at any point you feel like making a break for it let me know. I’ll immediately portal us to this darling little ski lodge I know of in the Alps. It’s beautiful there this time of year.” 

Raphael gave a long suffering sigh as he spoke and stepped up to the doors of the Institute, landing a short but strong rap near the center. They stood still for a moment before the doors opened, a young shadowhunter beckoning them inside. 

“You have business with the Institute?” the young man asked. 

“I have an appointment with Mr. Lightwood.” Raphael stated. “He should be expecting me.”

“Mr. Santiago. Of course. We weren’t expecting you quite this early.” The man stepped back to allow them to move inside the foyer. “I am Underhill. If you follow me I’ll lead you to the office.” 

Raphael nodded and Underhill,  _ really were  _ all _ shadowhunter names like this? _ , escorted them through a series of hallways and up one flight of stairs to the second floor. He knocked on a lone door in a side hallway and after getting no response, opened it himself. The room was empty when they entered, which was most unusual for Maryse and Robert. Both Lightwoods were the type to make a display and have the scene set before visitors arrived to show their superiority, especially visiting downworlders as they didn’t want them in their precious Institute to begin with. Another trickle of unease slithered down his spine at the thought this may be a trap after all and he turned to face Underhill. 

  
  


The shadowhunter did not seem concerned by the empty office space. “You’ll have to forgive us. We were unaware you were portalling in and did not expect you for another 15 minutes. If you allow me a moment I’ll inform Mr. Lightwood of your arrival. Please feel free to take a seat.”

He kept his uncertainty covered with a mask of blank emotion and responded with a mere “Of course.”

Underhill gave a curt nod and left the room. His footsteps faded into the distance and they were left alone in the office. “What do you think?” he asked Raphael as he wandered over to a nearby bookshelf and perused the titles. 

Raphael’s brows furrowed. “I only attended three meetings with Camille that involved the Lightwoods and none were held in their office. It is possible that we’re just too early for them. I purposely kept my answer vague in terms of timing in case something happened on our way. I originally didn’t plan on portalling in either.”

“The Shadowhunter, Underhill, gave away nothing. He wasn’t surprised to see us but he also didn’t seem concerned or happy. But we didn’t pass many other shadowhunters on our way through the Institute. They either don’t plan to attack us in any way or they thought we’d be so easily handled that it wouldn’t require much effort on their part.”

He fell silent as they heard light footsteps enter the hallway outside and approach the door. He let his hand fall from the bookshelf and moved to rejoin Raphael and Lily in the center of the room. There was a low murmur of sound as someone whispered briefly to another person and then the door was pushed open to reveal… 

A living Adonis. An angel among men. He’d had his share of beautiful lovers and had met some truly exquisite looking people throughout his long life, but this man was absolute  _ perfection _ . He didn’t have any trouble at all believing this man was a descendant of angels. It looked as though heaven itself had crafted him and dropped him in the Earthly plane by mistake. 

Mr. Tall, Dark, and Sex-on-legs was the definition of his type. Fitting of the name, he towered over the others in the room, only roughly an inch or two below Magnus’s own imposing height. His hair was black as night and slightly unruly, tousled and barely kept out of his eyes in a way that spoke of either a disregard for spending time in front of a mirror or just crawling out of bed, maybe both. He was lean, but built like a martial artist, and there was a solid definition to the muscles showing through his short-sleeve shirt that rippled as he held open the door. He had a brief daydream of those muscles pinning him to bed. Or the floor. Or a wall. He certainly wouldn’t protest. This  _ wonderful _ manifestation of man was the embodiment of every fantasy he’d ever had involving the male gender. It was enough to make him drool even knowing that the vision would be shattered as soon as the man opened his mouth and said something in typical shadowhunter-arrogant fashion. 

Still, he wouldn’t mind starting at the bottom and licking his way up. Or vice-versa. 

The angel turned his head to face them and he felt an even stronger wave of attraction. If Nephilim carried marks like warlocks he imagined it would be this. The Nephilim’s eyes were a startlingly clear but deep blue. They looked ethereal, and if those eyes alone didn’t stop traffic in the streets of New York he had no more hope for humanity.

The shadowhunter entered the room and held out a steady hand to Raphael, who hesitated only briefly before shaking it. 

“I apologize for my tardiness. I wasn’t expecting you quite so soon.” The man said and oh Lilith, it wasn’t enough that he looked good enough to eat, he sounded like sex-coated sin as well. 

Raphael’s mouth twisted slightly to the side. “I was expecting Mr. and Mrs. Lightwood. The Heads of the Institute.” the vampire said sternly. He shook his delightfully filthy plans for the shadowhunter and whipped cream out of his head and focused on the matter at hand. Raphael was right. They were supposed to be meeting with the Heads of the Institute, Robert and Maryse. To call them here and then send a representative rather than showing up themselves was a sign of disrespect that couldn’t be ignored considering their stations. 

The shadowhunter moved around them and sat at the desk, tilting his side just slightly on an angle as he looked up at them. “There seems to be some miscommunication,” he said. “ _ I _ am Mr. Lightwood. Alec Lightwood. Head of the New York Institute.”

He saw Lily’s eyes grow large even as he felt his own do the same. He’d been vaguely aware of the Lightwood’s oldest child but very little news about him ever surfaced. Whoever he was he kept his head down and out of trouble. There weren’t even rumors of pranks or questionable relationships like his siblings. The knowledge that this man had replaced his parents in running the Institute, that the change in power hadn’t been noticed by anyone in the downworld, was troubling. 

Raphael recovered the fastest, taking one of the seats in front of the desk and nodding his understanding. “I see. I apologize, Mr. Lightwood. I was unaware the elder Lightwoods were no longer in charge.”

The man,  _ Alec _ , raised an eyebrow. “Alec, please. No one calls me Mr. Lightwood. I have been the acting Head of the Institute for over a year now”, he informed them dryly. “I have been in Idris for the last few weeks managing a few affairs in regards to my transition to the post permanently but my parents were recalled to Idris last winter. I’ll take it as a success though, that the leadership change went largely unnoticed.”

He had to agree. The idea that Alec had taken over for Maryse and Robert without anyone being the wiser spoke volumes of his capabilities to manage his people and the surrounding circumstances. The only nephilim gossip floating around recently had been some lighthearted talk about how few problems there had been with the shadowhunters of New York over the last few months. In fact, he hadn’t heard of one complaint or situation involving shadowhunters that hadn’t been resolved in a manner satisfactorily to all parties, shadowhunters and downworlders alike for nearly a year-and-a-half. A few gossip mongers he was fond of had joked that the Lightwoods were growing senile in their old age to let go of a chance to cause trouble. Or that someone had knocked them one time too many in the heads and they were actually running the Institute the ideal way. It seemed they’d been complimenting the wrong Lightwood. 

He and Lily seated themselves on either side of Raphael. Whatever was going on was not what they thought initially. Perhaps they should let this play out. “Very well Alec”, Raphael agreed. “If I can cut to the chase, you requested this meeting. I would like to ask why.”

Alec began to respond when they were interrupted by a knock on the door. Alec gave a curt “come in” and Underhill entered the room. He was followed by Isabelle Lightwood, Jace Wayland, and Clarissa. The three newcomer shadowhunters looked utterly surprised to see them in the room. Jace went to speak when Alec held up a hand to cut him off. 

“Thank you Underhill. If you three would stand against the wall, we’ll get to you in a moment.” Alec said. It sounded more like a command than a request. Underhill moved to the far corner of the room behind Alec and leaned back into it, making himself comfortable. The other three stepped back against the closed door and the wall, looking confused as to what was happening. 

“You asked why I wanted to meet”, Alec continued answering Raphael, “It was brought to my attention that in my absence some shadowhunters felt it necessary to ignore several of my commands and act against their station. One of their actions involved the New York Clan and so I felt it best that we resolve this matter quickly. Before we begin, I believe that Clarissa Fray and Isabelle Lightwood owe the Clan an apology for recent action taken against you.” 

He had to stop himself from coughing in surprise. What just happened? Isabelle and Clarissa looked just as shocked. “Alec what are you saying-” “What are you talking about!” both girls said at once. 

Alec seemed unmoved. “Oh, there’s a lot I have to say regarding what you three have been doing over the last few weeks, but the largest issue at hand appears to be an attack on the Clan led by the two of you. In case you’ve forgotten, it involved a fledgling, Simon Lewis. Are you denying this?” 

He saw Raphael jerk in his seat at the mention of Simon. Clary and Isabelle also started at his name. It appeared the shadowhunters hadn’t known Alec knew about the situation with Camille.

“I don’t know who you think you are but everything that’s happened over the last few weeks was entirely necessary-” Clarissa began. Alec wasn’t having it. 

“I am the Head of the New York Institute. So long as you  _ claim _ to be a shadowhunter, and run around the city acting as such, I am your superior. You answer to me”. Alec told her quietly. His voice was hard and cold as stone. “You do not get an option in this. You either do what I tell you to, or I lock you up in a cell downstairs to be dealt with later. Make your choice now. You won’t get another one.” 

Clarissa’s mouth dropped and she stuttered a bit before just standing there, staring at Alec. The other shadowhunter didn’t seem to care. “You  _ both _ will apologize for interfering in affairs outside of your purview.  _ Now. _ ”

Isabelle hung her head and apologized quietly to Raphael. She seemed to know that her brother meant what he said and there was no way for her to get out of it. Clarissa followed suit a few seconds later with a much less sincere “sorry” of her own.

Alec leaned back in his chair. “Now that  _ that _ is settled we’ll move on to the rest.” He looked at Raphael and Lily. “The New York Institute will provide it’s full support in your efforts to retrieve the vampire Camille. I understand she is currently still loose in the city. If there is any aid we can provide-”

“Wait!” Clarissa interrupted again. “We can’t get involved with Camille!”

Alec raised a single eyebrow and stared her down, unamused. “A vampire known to break the Accords and commit acts of violence against mundanes is loose, and you want to let her run wild? Doing what she wants?”

“We can’t arrest her! She was acquitted!” Clary insisted stubbornly. Isabelle said nothing. At Alec’s words she seemed to have drawn into herself and was staring at the floor. 

“Ah, yes. She was absolved of any responsibility for Simon’s death wasn’t she? In return for the Book of White?”

“Yes”, Clary said. She seemed surprised he knew the details. “We made a deal.”

Alec smiled. It looked like a predator closing in for the kill. He discreetly shifted his legs so that his pants didn’t feel quite so tight. 

“And who gave you permission to make that deal?” Alec asked. Clary looked confused again. He continued, “You seem to be operating under some type of misconception. You’re not allowed to be running around as you see fit, doing what you please. You don’t have the power to speak to prisoners of other shadow world factions and you  _ definitely _ don’t have the power to be offering a deal like that. Or any deal.” Alec was completely focused on Clarissa now and had seemingly forgotten anyone else was in the room.

“Now wait a minute!” the Wayland boy yelled. The Institute’s ‘Golden Boy’ marched up towards the desk, only stopping when he was right behind Raphael’s chair. He readied his magic to throw up a shield in the event this turned violent. “Clary did what she had to. We needed the Book of White to wake her mother.”

“I’ve been told you weren’t even present when this happened. You can’t say  _ what _ had to be done, and regardless,  _ I don’t care _ .” Alec stated. The room grew silent. He couldn’t say that any of them saw that kind of response coming. “You don’t get to make that call. None of you do. First, you seem to forget that Jocelyn Fairchild is also a wanted fugitive from the Clave. They  _ alone _ have the right to decide when to revive her, and mitigate the risks involved. Jocelyn was just as responsible as her husband for many of the Circle’s actions 18 years ago. She hid from Valentine to save herself and her baby, not because she suddenly disagreed with everything they had done. I understand her circumstances were far from ideal and she may not have known the worst of his actions, but the reality is she did very little to stop her husband at the beginning, even when she knew he was harming downworlders to some degree. She later ran to hide from her problems. As far as I’m concerned, she’s finally facing the consequences of her previous inaction.” Clarissa went wide-eyed, unable to believe what she was hearing but too appalled to speak. “And based on what I’ve seen so far from you I’m not sure you’re any better, but  _ that _ decision is beyond  _ my _ jurisdiction so we’ll move on.”

Alec directed his stare from Clarissa to Raphael. “These two had no authority to make the deal in question, and even if they could it  _ shouldn’t _ have been made. As of 5 hours ago it was formally revoked and Camille’s name was submitted to the Clave and all Eastern Institutes as a breaker of the Accords. Officially, you are free to use any means necessary to recapture her and may set her sentencing as you see fit. Unofficially, the Clave has agreed not to interfere with this situation any further and the New York Institute will aid you in this endeavor however we can.”

He had to force himself to pull his jaw back off the floor. _What was happening here?_ _Shadowhunters didn’t act like this, they were arrogant, ignorant, and holier-than-thou a**holes!_ He glanced at Raphael and Lily to make sure he wasn’t hearing things. Judging by the astonished looks on both their faces they’d heard the same conversation he had. Raphael furrowed his brows, deep in thought for a few seconds, before saying, “if you admit that this was not an Institute-sanctioned action then I must demand that Ms. Fairchild and Ms. Lightwood be held responsible for their actions. I have already punished the vampire involved but if you are truly looking to make amends, they must not get off scot-free. I'm going to have to insist on this.”

Ah. So that was the angle Raphael wanted to take. He approved. If this Lightwood really meant what he said then he’d be willing to prove it and would set a precedent for further Nephilim-related screw-ups in the future. If he chose not to punish Clary and Isabelle, then based on his own words they could escalate the matter above his head and force the Clave to make reparations if they didn’t want trouble. Either way, they would leave this meeting victorious. 

Alec nodded. “Effective immediately Isabelle will be taken off of patrol duty and will be confined to the Institute grounds. I assure you that she will be regretting her role in this. As for Ms. Fairchild… I’m afraid that while I have made a recommendation her punishment is out of my hands.” 

Isabelle grimaced at the implications of her duties to come in the following weeks but Wayland looked both relieved and concerned at the lack of penalty for Clarissa. He, however, felt mild outrage that the main instigator of this would get off unpunished. It seemed Lily felt the same. 

“What do you mean you will not punish her!” the female vampire spat. “Did you not just finish saying that she was under  _ your _ authority?”

Alec gave her a look and she quickly stopped talking.

“In approximately one hour a clave envoy will arrive to take Ms. Fairchild into custody and escort her to Idris. She is facing additional charges of breaking the accords, blackmail and threatening of a downworlder, and causing the death of a mundane.” Alec said simply. “These crimes are above my scope of sentencing, and so she will face higher judgement. If you have a suggestion or request for her sentence you may, of course, send a petition to the Clave.”

“Now hold on!” Wayland cried out vehemently. “What are you talking about? Clary never did any of that!”

Alec gritted his teeth. “Underhill, take Jace downstairs and confine him to his room. I’ll speak with him later.”

“I won’t be going anywhere!” Wayland said furiously just as Clarissa yelled, “I haven’t killed anyone!”

He looked around the room, taken aback by the sudden turn this conversation had taken. Raphael and Lily were equally puzzled. Although none of them especially liked Clarissa right now, they could not see how those crimes were related to what happened at the hotel unless, of course, the shadowhunters had been very busy over the last few days. Meanwhile, the argument between Alec, Clarissa, and Wayland was heating up. The latter two screamed their innocence while Alec attempted to regain control. Underhill hovered close in the background in preparation if the fight turned physical. While he’d seen some appalling behavior from shadowhunters over the years he’d never seen one act so disgraceful and contemptuously to their commanding officer. Bemused at the childish and unnecessary conduct, he wondered if Wayland would end up joining Clarissa in a cell. 

Finally, Alec rose from his seat and brought a fist down on his desk. The heavy ‘thunk’ was far too metallic to be skin and when Alec stepped back he saw there was now a dagger buried hilt-deep in the solid wood. That was… frightening, considering he didn’t believe he had his strength rune activated right now. He had to respect the showmanship such a move provoked, especially when it shut both angry shadowhunters down instantly. 

For a brief second, Alec looked near murderous, then he calmed down and instead leveled a furious glare at Wayland. “Believe me, I have more to say to you later. We’re going to have a very serious conversation about you deciding to prioritize getting laid over protecting the innocent, but right now you’re already walking a thin line due to your actions while I was in Alicante. You weren’t there when Camille was released, and I suggest you keep your mouth shut unless you want to join this trouble-making female in a cell. I won’t tell you again.” Wayland clamped his mouth shut, surprised, and Alec slowly turned his ire onto Clarissa. 

“You can claim what you want about your innocence but I only have two questions for you. When you first asked Simon to help you release Camille after Mr. Santiago told you no, what was his response?”

“He understood!” Clarissa cried. “He knew it was the only way to get my mo-”

“That was not my question you ignorant child. I asked you what Simon said the  _ first _ time you asked for help.”

Clarissa’s brows furrowed. “Well… I guess he said no? But after I explained everything he changed his mind! He understood-”

“Enough.” Alec cut her off. “Did Simon not agree to help only  _ after _ you threatened to take Camille’s involvement in his death to the Clave and leave the fate of the New York Clan in their hands?”

It felt like everyone in the room stopped breathing. Clarissa began to stutter incoherently, sensing something very wrong had just occurred.  _ Dear Lilith. This couldn’t be happening.  _ He turned to look at Raphael. His friend looked horrified. He was whiter than even vampires could claim as normal coloring and his gaze was fixed on nothing, staring off in the distance. His claws curved into the end of the armrest and cut right through it, sending it crumbling to the floor in pieces. Otherwise, he stayed frozen and completely still. Lily was also pale but she fixed watering eyes on Alec as she began to tremble in her seat. Wayland looked lost, completely thrown off-kilter by the new knowledge, and Isabelle looked utterly defeated. It was clear she hadn’t known about that part of the transaction either. No one said anything as Alec waited for an answer. Eventually, Clarissa muttered a single “yes”, some unconscious instinct of self-preservation forcing her to answer truthfully and then to keep her mouth shut in an attempt to hide from their attention. 

Alec slowly slid down into his chair again, resting his head on one hand. He couldn’t tell if the action was done in relief that she’d told the truth or disbelief that this had actually happened. Silence prevailed for one long minute, when Raphael suddenly jerked upright out of his chair and dove for Clarissa. He got one hand around her throat when he was suddenly yanked backwards by Alec. Clarissa shrieked and Underhill moved in front of her while Alec forced Raphael to the ground and held him there in a choke hold. He hurriedly threw up a barrier, locking Raphael in place, as he continued to struggle and nearly clawed Alec’s arm in two. Lily dove to the floor with Alec, murmuring to her leader in a desperate attempt to calm him. 

While she spoke, he turned to check on Clarissa and found Underhill doing the same. She looked terrified but mostly unharmed, with only a single long and thin line of red running down her throat. A scratch from one of Raphael’s claws. Had Alec reacted two seconds slower Raphael likely would have decapitated her. 

Behind him, Raphael’s struggles slowly stopped until he hunched into himself on the floor next to Alec and Lily. “Simon…” Raphael whispered.

“I-I-I don’t understand. I didn’t do anything bad.” Clarissa ground out after Underhill stepped back. Wayland wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her into his side. “I only told him that it was fine if he didn’t want to help. I would tell the Clave what Camille had done to him and they would come take her away. I could interrogate her then. He agreed because he realized then that it would happen no matter what Raphael said.”

Alec sighed and shook his head. “I don’t know if your mother has kept you so isolated that you don’t have simple common sense about how politics works, or if you are really  _ that _ willfully ignorant of the world around you. Even you should be aware by now that it’s a fact the Clave sees downworlders as a stain on the world. If you had called them, you’d have given them the entire New York Clan on a silver platter. It doesn’t matter that the other vampires didn’t support Camille’s actions. If you gave them evidence the ex-leader of the Clan had broken the Accords while still in power, they would have used it as an excuse to exterminate the entire Clan. They could avoid retaliation from the other downworlders by saying she was the Clan’s leader when the action occurred, and that the Clan did not prevent it from happening. Simon didn’t say yes because he  _ agreed _ with you. He did it because if he didn’t you were going to condemn his new family to death. He only helped you to save them, and got exiled for his trouble since he couldn’t tell anyone what really happened. If it came out that shadowhunters were threatening vampires questions would be asked from all sides… and eventually someone would learn about Camille anyway. He was stuck.”

“I-It wasn’t like that.” Clarissa whimpered. “I didn’t mean it like that. Simon will tell you! He’s here right? I mean, we left him here in the Institute while we were handling everything else so he has to still be here. Just talk to him and everything will make sense!”

Alec stared her down. “You haven’t realized yet how I know about all this to begin with?” He shook his head again. There was a hard knock on the door and another shadowhunter poked his head into the office. 

“Clave envoy here to see you Alec. A Miss Branwell?” the newcomer announced. 

“Send her in.” Alec replied. A young woman, pretty and about Alec’s age if he had to guess, entered the office and looked around with a raised eyebrow. He had a sudden image of what they all looked like, with half of them on the floor and Clarissa still showing a bit of blood. Pure chaos, he mused. 

“I’m here for the prisoner?” Branwell said questioningly. 

“The red-head.” Alec pointed to Clarissa. 

Branwell looked at the state of Clarissa and gave a small huff. “Very well. I’m to take her to Alicante now, where she will be held until a meeting is held to determine the severity of her crimes and appropriate sentencing. There is still the matter of evidence… I don’t suppose there is anything I can take back with me now to begin recording?” she asked.

“Ms. Fairchild just confessed to breaking the Accords and threatening the New York Vampire Clan. Everyone in this room serves as a witness, and I’ll send you my statement and Underhill’s tomorrow.” 

Branwell nodded. “And the vampire in question? Mr. Lewis? I’ll need his statement as well.”

“Yes!” Clarissa interjected. “Simon will tell you-”

“I found Simon Lewis starved and nearly-dead on the floor of the Institute two days ago. He wasn’t feeding.” Alec informed them both. “I had no knowledge of his presence in the Institute before that point, as it seemed Ms. Fairchild dumped him here and took off, so I brought him to my office and got some blood in him. He recovered enough to tell me everything that happened, and how he’d been exiled over the situation with Camille. He’d been left completely alone, was severely depressed, and stated that he had nothing left. Less than five minutes later he ran out into the Institute’s roofless garden. It was 1 o’clock in the afternoon on one of the hottest days this month. You’re not going to get a statement from Simon Lewis.”

Lily let out a low sob and Raphael looked like he’d been punched in the gut. He fell to the ground and hugged both vampires, tucking them into his chest. Clarissa visibly deflated and no one said another word as Miss Branwell escorted her out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think Jocelyn is quite as bad as I described her here, but she definitely could have taken action against Valentine long before she actually did (and she only did when it affected her family directly), and to flee the Shadow World entirely afterwards rather than face her due punishment for what she participated in? I really just can't see her as a very sympathetic character after that move regardless of what else she did.


	3. Drink Away Your Sorrows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luke's POV

“Alright, if there’s nothing else, we’ll close this meeting here.” Alec announced, shifting through his notes before setting them on the table. 

He stretched his arms out to work out the tension, and watched as Magnus immediately swarmed the Institute Head and began playing the 20 questions game. It was only their third cabinet meeting, but the High Warlock of Brooklyn hadn’t wasted any time in making his interest in the young man known to everyone in a 25 mile radius. He saw Alec eye Magnus’s flailing arms with mild concern and mentally amended his last thought to ‘everyone but Alec himself’. It only made the entire scenario more amusing for those witnessing it. 

He felt a sharp rap on his shoulder and turned around to find Santiago standing behind him. 

“We need to talk.” the vampire announced before doing an about face and stalking out of the room. He glanced behind him to Alec and Magnus, the later now waxing rhyming poetry about Alec’s…  _ assets _ while Alec not so subtly called for a medic, and followed Santiago out. He made his way through the Institute, nodding at the shadowhunters he passed, and headed for the main foyer. Santiago was waiting there for him. 

“We can speak at the Jade Wolf. Or at another location if the close proximity to the pack bothers you.” he offered. 

Santiago grimaced but shook his head. “The Jade Wolf will be fine.” he agreed. “1 hour? I need to relay some information from the meeting to my second.” 

He nodded. He should pass along his own notes to the pack now while they were waiting for them before people started leaving for home. Santiago sped off and he walked through the city, taking the time to reflect over the night’s events as he headed to the Jade Wolf. 

The restaurant was closed when he arrived and he entered through the unlocked back door. The pack had taken to using the building as a gathering place for pack business due to its central location in the city. The pack had begun meeting monthly to discuss both current problems, and to just take a general roll call due to the rumors of Valentine resurfacing. They also called emergency meetings when necessary, although this had only happened once due to a missing were-child, who was later found lost in the city. 

He made his way through the restaurant to the bar where Maia sat. There was another 10 minutes before the meeting was set to start, so the building was still relatively empty. Maia reached over the counter to pour him a drink. “So how’d it go?” she asked, handing him the glass.

He accepted it and sipped. She’d given him a shot of the good whiskey. “Not bad. A little longer than usual due to the seelie park incident that happened last week but not much we can do about that anyway. The Seelie Queen still hasn’t said a word about our cabinet meetings and shows no sign of sending a representative, although Bat saw Meliorn hanging around suspiciously close to the Institute a few weeks ago. I’d say it’s a good sign but knowing the Queen it’s more likely to end up as bad news.”

Maia gave a sarcastic laugh and crossed her arms. “I still can’t believe that the first step in shadow world cooperation was made by a freaking shadowhunter. I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop.” 

He hummed and drank a little more, looking at the alcohol bottles lining the back of the bar. He wouldn’t believe it himself, if he hadn’t lived through it. It had been almost 3 months since ‘the incident’, as most of the downworlders referred to it as. He’d been in the middle of a shift at the station when Alaric had found him in the break room. The other man had sat down across the table from him and told him there were rumors that a shadowhunter had been taken into Clave custody by request of the Head of the New York Institute for breaking the Accords and murdering a downworlder. He’d laughed it off. In fact, he’d disbelieved it so much he’d actually told Alaric that while the supposed crimes were extremely possible, there was no way Maryse or Robert even  _ wanted _ the person responsible punished, let alone found it serious enough to call in the big guns. Alaric hadn’t looked as convinced but he’d shrugged it off and returned to work. He was just leaving the precinct after his shift ended when Alaric appeared again. This time his friend had gone to the High Warlock, supposedly present when everything went down, to get the full story. It was Alaric who took him to get drunk at the Jade Wolf and told him that Simon was dead and Clary had been declared responsible for his murder. 

He didn’t remember a whole lot about that night. After getting all of the details from Alaric he’d drank until he physically couldn’t drink anymore. He’d blacked out sometime around 2 am and had come to on Alaric’s couch the following afternoon. He still couldn’t think too much about either of the kids he’d helped raise without becoming physically ill. 

3 days after hearing the news he’d gotten a call from the new Head of the Institute himself. He hadn’t heard much about Alec Lightwood prior to the call, but something about the young man’s no-nonsense voice made him agree to a meeting. Other members of the pack, particularly Alaric and Maia, hadn’t liked the idea considering the meeting time but he’d arrived at the Institute the following week after dark as promised. It was then that he’d received one of the biggest surprises of his life. He found not only Alec, but both Raphael Santiago and Magnus Bane present at a meeting of downworlder representatives he hadn’t realized they were having. 

He’d pulled Alec aside to ask why they were there. He would never forget the look on the young man’s face when he’d said that so long as he was in charge of the Institute, he would not have shadowhunters roaming the streets believing they were above the law. And he would  _ not _ watch another downworlder face death over a situation caused by one of his hunters. 

He would forever remember it as the moment Alec Lightwood had earned his respect. They’d walked back into Alec’s office and held the first unofficial downworlder cabinet meeting, where they had quickly set up the schedule for all following  _ official _ cabinet meetings. Alec had taken a list of current downworlder complaints against recent shadowhunter actions, and the rest of them had walked away with the knowledge that those responsible would face appropriate punishment. He personally knew Alec had kept his word when he came across two shadowhunters fixing a werewolf’s window they’d unnecessarily broken less than a week later. The next time the cabinet had met, they’d started with a clean sheet. From then on, if there were problems  _ all _ downworlder factions had a say. 

He’d never expected to see such progress in shadow world relations in his life-time, but Alec Lightwood had single-handedly made it possible. Only 3 meetings in and they had already seen a positive impact on daily life. 2 weeks ago a shadowhunter had knocked over a vampire outside of a nightclub. They’d promptly helped her up and apologized, not leaving until she’d assured she was fine. The incident was still the biggest topic of gossip in town. 

“-ke. Luke!” He finally registered that someone was calling him and shook off the memories, paying attention to his surroundings. Maia looked at him with a judging eyebrow lifted. “You back with us?” she asked.

“Yeah. Sorry about that, just lost in thought.” he told her. 

“Well, rise and shine. It’s time for the meeting to start.” She gestured to the full restaurant behind them. The rest of the pack had arrived. Time to get started. 

*************************

1 hour later and he was feeling exhausted. Most of the pack cleared out while Maia unlocked the front door and officially opened up the Jade Wolf for the night. Were younger werewolves always so hard to deal with? He felt old. 

He was vaguely aware of a body dropping into the booth across the table from him. He lifted his head up off the table to find Santiago looking at him. The vampire seemed simultaneously amused and disgusted by his complete lack of energy. “Long night for you?” the vampire asked. 

“Teenagers.” he answered. That one word explained everything. He took a deep breath and straightened himself up. The moment to himself was up and it was time to deal with the real world again. “You wanted to talk?”

Santiago studied the window like it was the most fascinating thing he’d ever witnessed. “We’ve been holding cabinet meetings for 3 months and we’ve all seen the impact. I don’t know what’s going on in that Institute but Lightwood is running a tight ship. We’ve had no large shadowhunter-related incidents since he’s taken over.”

He nodded. “I wasn’t sure at first how well his changes would go over, but everything seems to be fine. I can’t argue with his methods considering the results, in any case.”

“I agree. It’s why we need to talk.” Santiago said.

“I’m listening.”

“We’ve had no problems with the nephilim. However, that has only served to push the inter-downworlder faction problems to the foreground.” Santiago explained. He sighed. “The nephilim are learning to work with us. Now we need to learn to work with each other as well. We need to come to some kind of agreement, vampires and werewolves. I hate to admit it, I  _ really _ hate to admit it, but if  _ they _ can play nice, there’s no reason why we can’t.”

His jaw dropped. Forget a Lightwood listening to a downworlder’s opinion, this  _ literally _ had to be the end of the world. “You can’t be serious. I can’t believe  _ you’re _ saying this to  _ me _ !”

Santiago grimaced. “I can’t believe it either. Trust me, it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, but I don’t have a choice. I’m not about to let anyone say a  _ nephilim _ outdid me. If they can do it, so can I. This war that’s been going on between vampires and werewolves is just petty at this point, and there’s no justifiable reason to continue it other than us wanting to act like children. I know better than that, and I’m simply choosing to act my age.”

He leaned back in his seat and considered the vampire in front of him. Santiago had always carried himself with a certain level of poise and aloofness that had rubbed him, and many others, the wrong way. He was observant and quick to lash out with a razor-sharp tongue, especially against werewolves who he had always been more than happy to fight with. Then again, werewolves were much the same. Maybe it was time to settle this ‘mortal enemy’ business the two factions had. Santiago was right. They all had better things to do with their time. 

“Deal.” he said definitively. “After all I can’t spend all of my free time planning for our next run-in. I’ve got too much to do.”

Santiago looked surprised for a moment but quickly calmed himself and gave a cool smirk. “Nice to see you understand logic. Good to know. Now, what do I have to do to get a drink in here?”

They drank together. The bar usually kept a small amount of blood in stock for the occasional rogue vampire traveling through and they made awkward conversation while they drank in an attempt to overcome the underwhelming tension that came from two people who weren’t friends trying to overcome long-term animosity. 

Eventually, after several hours and several  _ more _ bottles of alcohol, the worst of the tension had dissipated leaving room for a first-name basis and more… personal discussions.

“It’s almost embarrassing how hard Magnus is trying. And Lightwood doesn't get any of it. The last two times I visited Magnus all he did was wine about it. He’s become completely useless!” Raphael complained.

He laughed. “I think Alec tends not to have a very high opinion of himself.” He admitted. “I’m pretty sure he thinks Magnus is either cursed or spelled somehow, or that he’s just using really bad flirting as a way to mock him. The boy honestly doesn’t think Magnus is serious about being interested in him.”

“Ugh. I don’t see how. From the first time we all met Magnus was undressing him with his eyes. It was disgusting.” 

“Really?” The thought made him raise his eyebrows. “I would’ve thought that Magnus would be distrustful and skeptical of meeting a new shadowhunter. Even if he wasn’t, no offense to Alec, Magnus would’ve thought a Lightwood was too contemptible to even  _ consider _ as a love interest. I get the interest now after he’s gotten to know Alec, but what sparked it during their first meeting?”

“He did a double-take almost as soon as Lightwood walked into the office.” Raphael finished off their latest bottle and ordered another. “I was waiting for him to start drooling on the floor but he turned out to have more self restraint than I gave him credit for. The looks only caused the initial reaction though. Three of us entered that office: Magnus, my second, and myself. If it had been the senior Lightwoods or if Alec had displayed the same bigotries as his parents we’d be having a very different conversation, Magnus would have labeled him a condescending a**hole and we would not have left the meeting until we had drawn blood of our own and threatened the nephilim to make sure they minded their own business. Alec was… not what we were expecting.”

He wondered if Raphael realized he was calling the Institute Head by his given name. Probably not.

“He was very forward with us about what was happening. When the three trouble-seekers arrived, the first thing he demanded from the female Lightwood and the Fairchild girl was an apology. For me and Lily. He told them off for interfering with another faction’s business. It was one of the most justifying moments I’ve ever had with shadowhunters. I think that was what hooked Magnus, Alec’s open denouncement of the other shadowhunters’ actions even though one of them was his own sister. That he was willing to bring down the Clave on one of his own in support of a downworlder… well Magnus wasn’t the only one affected by that.”

He looked down at the table. Alec had certainly brought down the Clave on a shadowhunter. On Clary. He clenched his teeth and looked back up at Raphael. He had to know. 

“What happened?” he asked. “Everyone has heard by now that Clarissa threatened Simon and he was forced to act against the New York Clan because of it. Alec somehow found out and when Simon suddenly died he held Clarissa personally responsible. The nephilim aren’t giving details though, at least not to werewolves.”

Raphael took a large mouthful of wine and pointedly refused to look at him. “Another quality trait Alec seems to possess in spades: being selective about who receives sensitive information.”

He slammed a fist on the table. They both looked down as a large crack sounded from the table and although there was no visible damage he could feel Maia glaring furiously at them from the bar. He reigned himself in and tried not to sound as desperate as he felt. “Please. I helped to raise them. Both of them. I can’t imagine Clary doing what she’s been accused of. I can’t believe the little girl I watched grow up is capable of betraying her best friend, someone she was raised with. But I also can’t believe Simon is dead. I just can’t. It was hard when I found out he’d been turned because logically speaking I knew he had been dead at one point, but it was different because he was already back by the time I found out. Now he’s just… gone.” He trailed off, unable to put the rest of his grief into words. 

“Alec released the information that Clarissa had forced Simon to aid in releasing Camille and that he later died as a result. That is the story everyone has and it is true… but it was much more complicated than that. They came to the hotel. Fairchild and Isabelle Lightwood that is”, Raphael explained. 

“They wanted to talk to Camille and I refused. She was too dangerous to release even for something as simple as that. I couldn’t take the risk that she would use it to her advantage. Fairchild threatened Simon and said she would inform the Clave that the head of the New York Clan had murdered him as a mundane if he didn’t cooperate with her. He distracted me and the other two freed Camille. That’s the real reason she’s on the loose right now. I didn’t know about the threat and believed Simon had betrayed us.” Raphael took a deep breath before continuing. “I exiled him and put a kill order out. I told him not to come back, that what he’d done was unforgivable.”

_ No. What had Clary done… Wait. If Simon was alive when he left... _

“You didn’t- Please tell me you weren’t the one who killed Simon.” He didn’t think this could get any worse.

Raphael looked horrified and sick. “No! Fairchild and Lightwood took Simon with them and left. I didn’t hear from the shadowhunters again until Alec requested a meeting. Apparently Fairchild, Lightwood, and the cocky male- Wayland?- took off to cause chaos somewhere else. Alec got back to the Institute and found Simon half starved. Simon told him the full story of what happened. Alec said he seemed depressed and empty…” 

Raphael looked off into the distance. “Simon killed himself. He ran out of Alec’s office and jumped into the Institute’s garden. The garden is roofless and it was 1 in the afternoon. He never stood a chance. It was so bad Alec couldn’t provide us with the body, he said it had already been handled by the shadowhunters while he tried to find out exactly what was going on. Alec held Fairchild and Isabelle directly responsible for all of it. Fairchild threatened to send false information to the Clave on a matter that had already been settled and released a criminal known to break the Accords. Her actions also led directly to the death of a downworlder. Those are the charges Fairchild is facing with the Clave. Alec is keeping me updated on her trial. They’re still in the process of going through all the witness statements but there is very little pointing to her innocence besides her lack of knowledge of the Shadow World. Normally I would say her punishment will be pretty severe, but I can’t say how they’ll react to her, considering she’s Valentines daughter and has only known about being a shadowhunter for a few weeks. They may be lenient.”

He sighed and crumpled in his seat, tired and sick. Was this what he was doomed to? Continuously losing those few people he considered family?  _ Simon _ . Simon was only a kid. He shouldn’t have been in this world in the first place and he was only trying to do his best after being dragged into it. He’d always been kind to a fault and now that open heart had gotten him killed.  _ God _ . What would he tell his mother and sister?

“What about the other shadowhunters involved. You mentioned Alec’s sister?” he asked in an effort to take his mind off those thoughts.

“Isabelle Lightwood was immediately removed from all active duties and restricted to the Institute. I only asked about her punishment once but Alec informed me she was being sent to Idris to undergo a mandatory ‘re-training’ of sorts. For once I didn’t ask for the details, but she won’t be seeing New York again until they’re  _ absolutely certain _ she won’t pull something like this again. This cocky, asshole blonde shadowhunter was sent too. Seems he made comments that he agreed the prison break was necessary and Alec shipped him off as well rather than risk him poisoning the rest of the Institute with his opinions. Good riddance.” 

Raphael fell silent and took another drink. When the vampire next spoke, he looked him in the eye. 

“I’m sorry. It’s my fault. There were times when Simon had annoyed me to no end but he was still my fledgling. He was getting used to the clan and his new life and I should’ve known something was wrong. That he wouldn’t want Camille released of his own accord. I was jealous of his remaining bond with Fairchild and in my anger I ignored the signs.” Raphael whispered.

He shook his head. Raphael looked worse than he did. It seemed the vampire leader had cared more for Simon than he realized and he couldn’t blame him for reacting like he did in those circumstances, no matter how much it hurt. 

“It’s not your fault.” he reassured him. “You did the best you could in a bad situation. You had no way of knowing what Clary-Clarissa did and you still had to protect your people. As far as you knew Simon had betrayed them as much as you. You’re only beating yourself up so much now because you know someone else was ultimately responsible.” 

Raphael shook his head. “That’s what Lily says. It doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. In the end I failed him just as much as I thought  _ he _ had failed  _ me _ . Every time I walk past his room in the hotel I’m reminded of it. It’s humorous in a sad, deprecating kind of way. When he was alive, I was either constantly sending him away because he annoyed me or _ he _ was avoiding  _ me _ . Now that he's dead it feels like he’s haunting me. I never have a moment’s peace.”

He rubbed his forehead and gave a short, sardonic laugh. “You don’t know the half of it. I actually stopped in the middle of a busy street yesterday because I saw someone who looked like him. It was almost 3 in the afternoon and even though my mind said he wouldn’t be out even if he was alive I stared at the back of the poor guy’s head until he got lost in the crowd. Grief does funny things to us it seems.”

They fell into a peaceful and comfortable silence that came from sharing grief and understanding each other’s pain, and remained that way for the rest of the night. It seemed that even in death Simon continued to act as the diplomat he’d been tricked into becoming. 

The feeling wasn’t meant to last.


	4. Is Truth Stranger than Fiction?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luke's POV

The shadow world cabinet’s 4th meeting was going as well as the first three. Better even. With the newfound peace between New York’s vampires and werewolves, there was a complete lack of barriers to the representative’s information sharing that hadn’t been present before. That wasn’t to say they had kept necessary information a secret before, and they continued to keep faction-specific information under wraps when it was best for their people, but as a whole there was a collaborative and understanding air to the meetings now that had been missing in its predecessors. They got through their agenda in less than half the time and were preparing to leave with no remaining business for the first time when a shadowhunter entered the conference room. He moved right to Alec and began hurriedly whispering in his ear, causing Magnus’s eyebrows to shoot upwards. 

Alec’s own brows furrowed and he gave a short nod, to which the other nephilim took as a sign to leave the room. Once the young man was gone Alec turned to face the rest of them. “It seems we’ll be here the full meeting time after all. I’ve just been informed that a seelie representative has arrived and is waiting in the foyer.” 

His eyes widened a bit in shock and he looked over to Magnus. Out of all of them, the warlock had the most history and face-to-face encounters with the seelies. Magnus caught his look but only shook his head. It seemed he didn’t know what this was about either. 

Several minutes later the shadowhunter returned, followed by the seelie knight Fergus. He couldn’t say that he knew Fergus as well as Meliorn, but he’d had enough run-ins with him to know his character. The young fae was well-versed in combat and the typical seelie trickery and was fiercely loyal to the Seelie Queen. He had heard several fae say over the years that Fergus was actually a favorite of the Seelie Queen and that she would frequently give him private assignments to carry out… which he did with pleasure. 

The tall and slim seelie knight looked around the room with his usual mocking expression before settling on Raphael. That was… not what he had expected, considering the Seelie Queen’s previous refusal to acknowledge the cabinet meetings and the sudden appearance of one of her knights. The rest of the room’s occupants were similarly surprised. 

“My Queen sends her greetings.” the knight spoke directly to Raphael. “And her sympathies for your recent troubles and your loss. To lose a fledgling is a horrible thing.”

Raphael was not amused. “How kind of her, but I’m afraid a fledgling's bond to their clan is beyond her comprehension. Seelie’s simply don’t have a comparison unless there is something you’d like to share…”

Fergus’s smile twisted at the veiled insult but did not respond. Instead the seelie turned to greet the rest of them. “Magnus Bane and Lucian Greymark. A pleasure to see you again. I hope all has been well.”

He grimaced at the use of his birth name. He had not been a Greymark in a long time and the seelies were the only ones to insist on using it, as if mocking everything he’d lived through and his choices by refusing to let him forget the past. Finally, Fergus turned to face Alec. His smile was back and rather saturnine.

“Alec Lightwood. Although this is our first meeting I have heard much about you. I must say, you certainly live up to your reputation.”

He had to hand it to him, Alec remained stoic and unaffected. “It is an honor to have you here. I wish I could say the same, but I’m afraid I’ve only recently taken up my official position and I haven’t had much contact with the seelie besides your fellow knight Meliorn.”

Fergus hummed. “Well, you’re meeting me now I suppose. We’ll start from there.”

Something about the statement made the hair on his arms stand up. He moved to interject and shift the attention to himself but Magnus beat him to it. 

“It is a pleasure to see you again Fergus, as always, but I do have to admit I’m curious about why you’re here. You’re a bit far from your usual hunting grounds and the Seelie Queen showed no interest in our cabinet meetings up to this point. Was there a specific matter you wanted to address?” Magnus got right to the point.

Fergus responded in kind. “I’m here on behalf of my Queen. Some rather… _interesting_ rumors reached Faerieland and she felt we should lend our assistance if it would be of some help.”

“Rumors?” Magnus asked.

Fergus took the empty seat next to him, across the table from Alec. Both Magnus and Raphael shifted ever so slightly to lean in towards Alec. The shadowhunter who’d escorted Fergus remained in the room as well and hovered next to the room behind Fergus. 

“Gossip is such an interesting phenomenon isn’t it? People who have nothing better to do than talking about events they may or may not have witnessed, which is then spread by word of mouth to others who have no connection at all to the original event, but share the story anyway while adding their own embellishments. By the time the story reaches the end of the chain it is just that, a story. You have to pick through the pieces to see what the core truth is. Of course, faeries do not have this problem, being unable to add falsehoods to a tale. It leads us to take a real interest in rumors that cross our ears, to travel back through the chain to find that origin point. Perhaps it is our own incapability to handle anything untruthful that drives the behavior, or perhaps it has just become a humorous passtime.”

Alec raised an eyebrow. “I suppose the point of this impassioned speech is that the Seelie Queen has dissected a rumor we would find important?”

“You are as insightful as they say. How… fortunate.” Fergus huffed. 

“Get on with it Fergus. If this supposed information was really important enough to warrant the Seelie Queen’s attention then you wouldn’t be stalling. I will not sit here and listen to your drivel if this is one of your usual attempts at seelie trickery.” Magnus warned. He agreed. His patience was wearing thin with all of these attempts at ‘hidden’ messages and veiled warnings. It did not bode well for whatever news the seelie knight was about to deliver. 

“Watch your tone Bane.” It seemed they’d managed to anger Fergus. “Do not forget that I cannot lie. If I tell you it is important then it is. If you’re in so much of a hurry I’ll be happy to ‘cut to the chase’ as they say. However the news I bring has nothing to do with you or Greymark here.” The seelie looked directly at Raphael. “My earlier words regarding your lost fledgling were true as well. My Queen only wishes to help with this matter. She feels we have an obligation to reveal the truth that has been hidden from you.” 

Raphael narrowed his eyes and bared his fangs. “What is that supposed to mean?” the vampire demanded. 

Fergus smiled and before anyone else could speak, opened something he’d had clenched in his hand, leaned across the table, and blew it in Alec’s direction. Fine blue powder hit Alec directly in the face and the young man jerked to his feet as he threw himself backwards, knocking his chair to the floor. Magnus rose as well and grabbed Alec’s face in his hands, inspecting him for possible damage. Meanwhile he reached for Fergus and slammed the seelie into the table, pulling his arms behind his back. Alec’s subordinate took only a second to join him, the two of them holding Fergus in place while Raphael hissed threateningly on the other side of the table. Magnus finished looking over Alec and turned to face them. 

“What have you done!” Magnus demanded. Blue sparks were shooting from his fingertips and he looked every inch his title as the High Warlock of Brooklyn. Alec looked unharmed, brushing the last of the powder from his neck. It appeared no physical damage had been done but they all knew better than to assume there were _no_ effects.

“There is no need to react with so much hostility.” Fergus said indignantly. “The powder is Faerie’s Breath, merely a dried mix of blue hyacinths and penitent’s rose grown in Faerie. In the far past it was used to purge wanderers in the land of wrongdoing and speaking untruths. It also acted as the seelie’s method of keeping visiting dignitaries and diplomats truthful and honest in their dealings with us. So long as young Lightwood is truthful in his statements the Faerie’s Breath will cause no physical or mental harm.”

“Why would he even need it?” he demanded. “We’ve had no problem with the nephilim of late and that’s mostly due to Alec’s actions. There’s nothing for him to hide that concerns us. When the Clave hears about this and sets off for blood you better believe that we’ll support them!”

“Nothing for him to hide that you know of.” Ferguson countered. “We had no choice. He’s hidden his deeds well and we knew you would not listen to reason unless the truth came from his own mouth.”

“And what truth is that?” Alec asked. He was watching the selfie knight wearily, Magnus still hovering close to his side. Alec nodded to his subordinate and the other shadowhunter let go of Fergus and left the room. “I’ve had little interaction with the fae over the last year, let alone done something to warrant this level of reaction.”

“Your action had nothing to do with the seelie. We are only trying to save our fellow downworlders before they fall even more into your trap. You were clever Alexander Lightwood, but your subordinates were not to the same level.”

Ferguson pointed at Raphael. “It was the vampires that you harmed.”

Alright, he had to admit that dramatic statement stunned him. Raphael was also shocked.

“This all started because Lightwood supported the New York Clan. He ensured that shadowhunters responsible for releasing a dangerous criminal faced appropriate punishment for their actions and connections to the death of a fledgling. None of that caused any harm to the Clan or any other vampires.” Raphael said.

Fergus’s smile turned rather toothy. “That is if you assume Mr. Lightwood had nothing to do with the fledgling’s death.”

Raphael’s mouth dropped open in stunned silence and Alec’s eyes grew wide. He gripped Fergus’s arms a little tighter and refused to let the seelie move. He wasn’t sure what stunt the knight was trying to pull here but he didn’t believe a word of it. He’d been working with Alec for months now and the Head of the New York Institute just wasn’t the type of man to do what the seelies were trying to accuse him of. 

“You can’t be serious.” Raphael whispered. 

“He can’t be.” Magnus agreed. The warlock then turned to Fergus. “If this is your way of creating trouble…”

“Perish the thought.” Fergus responded. “But our words will be proven soon enough. The Faerie’s Breath will reveal the truth when Lightwood is unable to refute our claims.”

“And you believe Lightwood will reveal that he what? Killed Simon? Is that what you’re getting at? Simon committed suicide. The New York Clan may not be happy, and we certainly regret what led to it, but there’s no denying that it did happen.” Raphael retorted.

Fergus took this as the moment to drop his bombshell. “Ah, but if young Mr. Lewis committed suicide then why was Mr. Lightwood seen chasing him through the Institute right before he was declared dead?”

“Excuse me?” Raphael asked. 

“A rumor reached the Seelie Queen that Simon’s death was not what it appeared to be. That more had happened than was reported by the shadowhunters. When we looked into the matter further, we eventually traced the gossip mill back to two shadowhunters who had been overheard speaking in a bar. One told the other, ‘You should be glad you were on patrol that day. Lightwood chased the vamp through half the Institute by the time they reached the garden. The vamp was fast but Lightwood was on his heels right up to the moment they were at the entrance. It was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen that man do.’ Now tell me, if Mr. Lewis was committing suicide than why was he running from Mr. Lightwood just before his death?” Fergus delivered his final question with the dramatic flair of someone who knew they were about to achieve their desired results. 

He stepped back, letting go of Fergus in the process. _It couldn’t be_ . Simon _couldn’t_ have been murdered.

Alec was not amused by Fergus’s story. “I did not murder Simon Lewis.” he spoke to the room at large but looked directly at Raphael. 

“Of course not. You didn’t have to perform the act yourself.” Fergus said. “You merely had to force him into a corner and wait. After he told you what had conspired between Clarissa Fairchild, Isabelle Lightwood, and himself you knew that you would be facing severe backlash from the New York Clan if anyone else found out. If Simon told you, a complete stranger he’d just met, then it was very likely he’d mention it to others. You mentioned yourself that you were only recently made Head of the New York Institute. You don’t have the backing or reputation to enter a war with the New York vampires. It was in your best interest to make Simon disappear before the news could get out. It was already known that he was upset over what had happened, all you had to do was scare him, force him to run towards the gardens, and tell everyone he committed suicide.”

He didn’t want to believe it, he _liked_ Alec and thought he knew him very well. At the same time though… Alec was the eldest child of Maryse and Robert, born during the times of their worst crimes against downworlders. Could he really trust Alec’s recent actions not to be a front for a power grab? He bit his lip and looked over to Raphael. Simon was his kid but vampires were Raphael’s territory. 

Raphael appeared equally conflicted. The vampire turned towards Alec. 

“I did _not_ kill Simon Lewis.” the Head of the Institute reiterated. Fergus chose that moment to take charge of the conversation and turn it into an interrogation. 

“You were mad weren’t you? When Lewis told you what happened?” the seelie prodded. 

“Yes I was angry. What Simon described should’ve never happened, but I didn’t blame _him_ for it.” Alec answered.

“But you were angry it was happening. You didn’t have to blame Lewis to still make him pay for it. Were you scared of the vampire clan’s reaction to the truth when it got out?”

“Why would I punish Simon for something I knew wasn’t his fault-” Alec tried to interject, but Fergus cut him off.

“Answer the question!”

“I was concerned the vampires would see it as a reason to start a war.” Alec answered.

“And you needed to find a way, quickly, to prevent that. You needed to find someone to hold responsible before the war started.” Fergus prompted.

“What? No!” Alec insisted. “Yes, the person responsible deserved to be punished but I was already planning to turn Fairchild in-”

“There was still the chance that the Clave would not penalize her to a level deemed appropriate by the Clan and if the Clan found out you could still face a war. It was easier to get rid of Simon and use it to level additional charges with the Clave while building your goodwill with the vampires.” Fergus continued. The seelie seemed intent on leading Alec to some kind of confession. 

“You said that Faerie’s Breath forces someone to speak truthfully.” Raphael interrupted. “Lightwood has already said he didn’t kill Simon.”

“I didn’t!” Alec was digging his fingernails into the table now.

“You said you didn’t murder him but you were still in a position to cause his death. Why else were you seen chasing him mere moments before his death? Do you deny that?”

Alec grit his teeth and said nothing for several seconds. Then he gasped in pain and quickly grabbed at his chest. 

“Alec!” Magnus reached for the young man and lowered him into a chair. The warlock threw a panicked glare at Fergus. “What is your damned poison doing to him? You said it wouldn’t harm him!”

“I said it would cause no harm so long as he told the truth. If a question is directed at him he _must_ answer. If he refuses, then he will experience some pain. The pain starts quickly but will end of its own accord once he answers honestly.” Fergus stated coolly.

He looked at Alec. It had only been about 20 seconds since Fergus’s last question but Alec was already pale and breathing hard. He continued to clench his chest in one hand. 

“I’ll ask again. Did you chase Lewis to the gardens?” Fergus asked.

“Yes!” Alec bit out before collapsing back into his seat. His breathing was still labored but he no longer looked like he was about to cry out. The answer shocked them all though.

“Alec?” Raphael whispered.

Fergus’s smile turned vindicated. “Finally, the truth begins to come out.” The seelie knight turned to look at Raphael. “Do you understand now that the seelie were only trying to help? This shadowhunter has committed a great crime against your clan and we could not stand back and watch him profit from it.” 

“That can’t be right.” Raphael whispered. “Simon...”

He frowned. Even if Alec had been chasing Simon… something about this just didn’t add up. “What about the body?” he asked. Fergus and Raphael looked at him. “If Alec wanted us to believe, incorrectly, that Simon had committed suicide, wouldn’t it have been to his benefit to show us the remains, as proof there was no torture or other injuries inflicted before his death? If the body wasn’t too badly damaged by the sunlight, showing there were no signs of force would have helped this supposed cover-up. Even if the body burned to ash he could have gifted it to the Clan as a symbol of his regret. So why did they take care of it themselves? It doesn’t match up with the rest of your story.”

Raphael’s brows furrowed in thought and Fergus glowered. “Still so reluctant to appreciate my Queen’s goodwill I see. Fine.” the seelie knight scoffed. “What did you do with the remains of Simon Lewis’s body?” he asked Alec.

Alec stared at Fergus and said nothing. The seconds ticked by and Alec’s hand began to tremor but he remained quiet. After about 45 seconds his breathing came in spurts and the color fully drained from his face and arms, leaving his runes stark in comparison. He wasn’t sure how the Faerie’s Breath’s ‘pain’ cycle worked but after about 3 minutes Alec was in rough shape and Fergus seemed to be losing his patience. 

The seelie slammed a hand on the table and repeated the question. Alec’s jaw clenched and he was visibly using the chair back as support to keep himself upright but he still didn’t say anything. Alec’s breathing quickened and the shaking spread from his arms to the rest of his body. It looked like the beginning of mundane seizures. Then blood began to run from the corner of the shadowhunter’s mouth and all hell broke loose. 

Magnus pulled Alec from the chair and threw him on the table, trying to hold him down to keep his limbs stable. He grabbed Fergus for the second time and Raphael screamed about the antidote. Fergus yelled, “It will end once he answers!”, but Alec showed no intentions of doing so. Instead, Alec opened his mouth in a silent scream. 

Magnus began shaking Alec, yelling at him to answer to make it stop but Alec shook his head and bit his lip in an attempt to remain silent. Then the Head of the Institute jerked violently, turned his head to the side, and coughed out a mouthful of blood.

The room was filled with screaming and yelling, and then the door burst open. Something blurred across the room and threw him away from Fergus. He landed on the floor in a heap and hurriedly pulled himself up. He saw the other shadowhunter from earlier re-enter the room followed by others. They were all armed and looked both worried and furious when they saw Alec on the table. Then he turned back towards Raphael and Magnus who were still by Alec. 

Raphael was now helping Magnus hold Alec down but neither were looking at him. Instead both were looking at another young man who was holding Fergus by the throat against the wall with one hand. The other hand was curved to press a single claw at Fergus’s heart. 

He felt his heart stop. _It wasn’t possible. He couldn’t be seeing this!_

Simon Lewis, very much undead and kicking, hissed at Fergus and bared his teeth. “Antidote! Now!” the boy barked. 

Fergus said nothing for a moment, frozen by shock. A low, guttural groan sounded from the table and Simon looked over. He looked almost exactly the same as the last time he saw him, with the addition of a small thin line that ran from his ear down the side of his neck.

“Alec?” the young vampire called out. Magnus began fretting over the table again as a soft choking sound filled the room. “Alec!” Simon yelled. 

He couldn’t tell if Alec recognized Simon’s voice and knew that silence was useless or if he only felt the need to respond to the unmistakable plea in Simon’s voice. Either way the Head of the New York Institute, after nearly 7 minutes of resisting the pain, finally broke. 

“T-There were no remains!” Alec screamed. As soon as the words were out his body seemed to cave in on itself and he collapsed onto the table in a heap. 

Simon pulled Fergus from the wall and threw him onto the floor, placing a sneaker-covered foot on his head and pushing it into the wood. “Antidote. I won’t ask again.” he hissed. 

“P-Pocket.” Fergus gasped out. The other shadowhunters swarmed the room and the seelie was pushed back into the corner and out-of-sight by the resulting mob. Someone threw a small bottle to the shadowhunter who’d escorted Fergus in earlier and he was around the table shoving Magnus away from Alec in a flash. 

Simon- _dear god it really was Simon_ \- sped over and held Alec up in a sitting position while the Shadowhunter held the bottle up and tipped the contents into Alec’s mouth. They both watched to make sure Alec swallowed and sighed when he finally did. Magnus looked on with wide eyes, still hovering in the background, and Raphael stood statue-still, eyes fixed on Simon. They all seemed content to ignore the bedlam that was occurring behind them, though the noise was beginning to reach ‘deafening’ rather than merely ‘distracting’, when Alec came to his senses, the antidote seemingly fast acting. 

The Head of the Institute took a minute to get his bearings and then looked to the source of the noise. He turned to his fellow shadowhunter. “Underhill?” Alec asked, tilting his head towards the mob. 

“I’ll take care of it.” The shadowhunter- Underhill- told him. Alec responded with a curt nod and allowed Simon to help him off the table while Underhill managed to get the mass of shadowhunters out of the conference room. They took Fergus, who seemed to know the level of trouble he was in by the worried look on his face, with them. 

Underhill remained behind. He couldn’t blame him, he wouldn’t have left his commanding officer alone with outsiders after what just happened either. Now that things had calmed down he pushed thoughts of the seelie court and their plotting and penalties to the side. He could deal with them later.

He walked around the table and grabbed hold of Simon. He pulled the boy into a tight hug without speaking. Over the years he’d lost many of those he’d considered family, but losing Simon had hit him in a way the other loses hadn’t. The others, his friends and comrades, were expected to be facing dangerous situations. They’d always faced the possibility of not coming back, but Simon was different. Simon had been born and raised mundane. He was supposed to live a long and normal life, and might have if Clary hadn’t gotten him dragged into the Shadow World with her. Simon had been his son in all but blood, and losing him to a life and death he should’ve never known about had cut deep. He felt Simon begin to tremor just slightly against his chest and pulled him in tighter. He didn’t know what was going on and frankly he didn’t care. Simon was alive and Alec wasn’t a murderer, seemed like a pretty good deal to him.

Raphael, the insistent prick that he was, disagreed. “I’d appreciate an explanation for… this.” The vampire stated, gesturing to Simon. “Joder! What is happening here?”

Alec retook his chair, legs still shaking. Magnus hovered over him like some kind of worried spouse or overprotective mother. “I have not lied to anyone.” Alec announced. 

“It’s fine Alec, really.” Simon interrupted. “You don’t have to take responsibility for this. You had nothing to do with it.” 

Simon folded his arms over his chest, as if trying to protect himself from the world, and took a deep breath. “I-I wasn’t in a good place. I’d been left alone in the Institute for a few days and everything that had happened was finally starting to sink in. By the time Alec found me and got my story I was facing the realization that things weren’t going to magically get better. I was literally pouring out my guts to a complete stranger who was listening and taking better care of me than my supposed best friend had in weeks and…” Simon looked at the floor. 

“It felt like an epiphany. For a moment, everything just clicked. I couldn’t fix anything, I only ever made things worse, and someone knew the truth now, someone else could deal with it, so there was little point to _me_. It just felt like everything would be resolved if I was out of the picture. The Clan wouldn’t have a problem with the shadowhunters because I wouldn’t be there anymore, Luke wouldn’t have to get involved, Camille wouldn’t be able to potentially use me as a bargaining chip… I pictured the garden. I used to walk through it at night when everyone was out. I knew there was no roof. It seemed like the perfect solution.”

_Raziel. What had they done._

“Alec did chase me. I suddenly ran out of his office and he was after me like a bat out of hell, not that I cared. I shoved my way into the garden and was in the sun for, like, a second or two before he jumped me from behind. He blocked me from the sun, threw his jacket over my head and everything, and Underhill showed up a few seconds later to help him get me back inside without exposing me further. They kept me alive.” Simon gave a wry smile. “Not sure it was worth the trouble, considering what happened today.”

Alec snorted. “You’re a pain in my ass and you talk _far_ too much, even for someone who doesn’t have to breathe. But you’re finally getting somewhat decent at being backup so you’re not _completely_ hopeless.”

“ _Backup_? Raphael always complained that Sheldon sucked at training. Said he had the attention span of a goldfish and the dedication of a 5-year-old girl to a broken doll.” Magnus laughed.

Simon looked at Raphael, betrayed. “Come on! You’re joking right? I thought I was getting at least the basics by the end!”

Raphael said nothing, continuing to stare at Simon like he was his worst nightmare come to life.

Alec side-eyes Magnus. “You realize I’m the Head of the Institute right? The job isn’t just filling out paperwork. I’ve trained more upcoming shadowhunters, children and young teens, from the ground up than you’ve probably known personally, even with your long life. Getting Simon up to parr was easy.”

“Thanks- wait. Are you calling me a _child_? I thought we were friends Alec!” Simon whined. 

“Your face.” They all turned to look at Raphael. “What happened to your face?” The vampire clarified. 

Simon gulped and dug the tie of his shoe into the floor. He had to guess it was the first time Simon’s ex-leader had spoken to him since his exile. 

“When I- well, you know- Alec covered me pretty quickly but I was still struggling a bit before Underhill came out to help pin me. The jacket sleeve got pulled to the side away from the body and the gap…” Simon stared at nothing, reliving the moment. “They got me blood right away from the medical bay but the scar hasn’t faded yet so we guess I’m stuck with it. I don’t mind. It’s a reminder of my moment of stupidity and the fact that if I ever try something like that again Alec says he’s gonna shove his boot up my ass, which is like, apparently how he threatens people he likes according to Isla so I’m like, pretty sure that he actually does care about me regardless of what he says about my rambling and even if Isla is wrong Underhill agreed with her and he knows Alec pretty well so I’m sure-”

“Raziel. Do you ever shut up?” Alec groaned. 

Raphael looked at Simon, staring at the scar until Simon blushed and nervously inched ever so slightly towards Alec. He frowned. If Raphael was honestly considering going after Simon here, after everything the boy had been through, the vampire was _badly_ mistaken. He didn’t want to assume Raphael would attack, the vampire had felt real guilt over Simon’s death, but who knew what the Clan leader’s thoughts would be now that Simon had turned up alive. He grit his teeth. Peace or no peace, he’d fight him on it. Before he could say anything though, Raphael turned to address Alec. 

“He’s obsessed with bad movie references, literally _never_ stops talking, and constantly gets into trouble... but I _suppose_ we’d be willing to take him off your hands. If he’s beginning to wear on you of course.” Raphael offered suddenly. 

His thoughts ground to a halt. “What?!” He and Simon yelled together. 

Alec glanced at Raphael for a moment and then turned thoughtful. “As I said, he’s finally decent enough to take on patrol. I’ve been using him to replace Isabelle and Jace in fact, so it’s not a complete hardship to keep him around. It _is_ murdering our medbay blood supply though. We usually keep a small stock of blood in case of emergencies and he has gone through a decent chunk of it, even if he doesn’t feed that much. I’ve actually been a bit concerned about that.”

“You should be,” Raphael agreed, “Fledglings drink near constantly their first few years. It helps regulate their system while it’s still adjusting to the new changes. Typically a fledgling’s sire, or another member of the clan should the sire be incompetent, monitors the fledgling’s blood intake and ensures they’re drinking enough. Fledglings of forceful turnings don’t always take to the new diet well.”

“W-Wait. Is that why you were always pushing blood packets in my face? It wasn’t just to make me queasy?!” Simon sputtered.

Alec and Raphael ignored him. “Fledglings are a full-time commitment I see.” Alec said dryly.

“They are.” Raphael said, shockingly somber for what was seemingly a light-hearted discussion.

Alec fell into silence for a few seconds, during which Simon grew increasingly flustered, and he patted Simon on the shoulder in support. _Where did this conversation come from and what was_ actually _being said?_ The topic change was so sudden he could only assume that there was some kind of underlying message he wasn’t understanding. Alec sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “It’s hard to argue with that. Congratulations. He’s yours.” Alec waved his other hand in the air. 

His hand clamped down on Simon’s shoulder. _What was Alec_ thinking _?_

Simon, meanwhile, had started to full-on panic. “Alec! I thought we were on ‘okay’ terms! What are you trying to do to me?!”

Raphael sped across the room and took Simon by the arm, leading him out the door. “Good conversation Lightwood. Nice seeing you again, glad you didn’t die, let me know what you decide about dealing with the seelie. I want in.” With that, the vampire walked out the door, taking Simon with him.

He held his breath to stop a harsh growl from slipping out. He was torn and desperately trying to control himself, his soul screaming to save Simon and his brain informing him that as the Alpha he couldn’t start a new war with either the New York Clan or the Institute. He grit his teeth and angrily swung his head towards Alec.

“ _What_ was _that_ !” He hissed. “Did you just _give away_ Simon?”

Alec was unimpressed. “You’re not thinking clearly, you’re too emotionally attached to this situation.” He took a deep breath and grimaced in pain. “Seeing as we had already concluded our meeting before we were interrupted, I’m going to stop things here and get looked over in the infirmary. We can convene again tomorrow to decide what should be done about the seelie knight in the basement.”

Magnus frowned. “I can look you over as well. I definitely have more experience with magical flora than traditional shadowhunter medicine does and you got hit with a doozy.”

“I’m sure you do, but considering the circumstances it may be better if you keep your distance from the situation. I’m going to have to write an incident report for what happened today and the Clave isn’t a fan of our meetings to begin with. I’d rather keep the rest of you out of it as much as possible and they can’t push the blame for this on you if your name doesn’t come up.” 

Magnus pursed his lips, unhappy, and he moved to bring the conversation back to Simon. If they made this quick they could still head the vampires off before they got back to the hotel. “About Simon-” he began.

“Oh fine. Be that way.” Magnus interrupted. “But don’t think this is the last you’ll hear from me on the matter. As soon as the clave reps crawl back into their little hell hole I’m making sure that someone _competent_ looks you over, just to be sure.”

Alec snorted. “Time for nosy warlocks to leave now. Goodbye.” 

Magnus laughed and hooked an arm around his shoulder, pulling him towards the door with him. He grunted in displeasure but let the warlock guide him out of the room, it was clear Magnus didn’t want him speaking to Alec anymore, probably afraid he’d end up upsetting Alec while he was still recovering. He didn’t like it, but he had to agree. Regardless of how short-lived Fergus claimed the effects of the Faerie’s Breath was, it was bound to have an impact on the system for how long Alec had withheld information and he deserved to have some time to recover. 

That didn’t mean he didn’t still want answers though. 

They left the Institute together, Magnus stopping only briefly to offer his services in adding additional warding in the block where Fergus was being kept as a precaution. After a quick discussion with Underhill, and an even faster adjustment to the wards, they were on their way, moving down the sidewalks of New York at a fast pace. 

It took less than 2 blocks for Magnus to begin speaking. “I’ve known Raphael for a long time.” He said suddenly. “We met not long after he was turned and we’ve at least been in contact, if not close, the entire time since. We give each other grief, as all good friends do, but I see him as family, and despite his cold demeanor I believe he feels the same. In short, our shared history is long and I understand him.” 

Magnus stopped alongside a small park and sat down on a bench near the edge. He joined him, tugging his coat collar higher against the wind. 

“Raphael was still young when he joined the New York Clan but it didn’t matter. He is a natural leader, intelligent and dedicated, and is willing to do what’s necessary to care for the clan. Camille led the Clan at the time and she saw his potential. She understood that one day the other vampires would see the same. In time they would turn to him over her as her lifestyle was already dangerous for them. She tried to head off the problem by bringing him up the ranks herself to earn his loyalty. He’s not very talkative or open by nature and dealing with those like Camille only made it worse.

Before we continue, I need to explain something. Werewolves often have a hard time understanding this and shadowhunters never cared to. Warlock and vampire society is similar in some aspects, based on our shared immortality. Our species are old, and while we easily adjust to the changing mundane world, there are certain traditions and laws we _must_ follow, similar to shadowhunters obeying the Clave’s doctrine. The rules may not always be ideal for the situation at hand, but they keep our people functioning throughout the long years. 

For vampires, there is an expectation of loyalty to the clan. The clan is everything. In time the last reminders of your human life _will_ die. Eventually your family, friends, and even vague acquaintances will disappear… but the clan will remain. Unlike warlocks, vampires cannot interact with most mundanes either due to the nightlife restriction. Without your clan, you face decades, if not centuries, completely alone. Most cannot comprehend such a thing. It is why clans were formed in the first place. Someday they will be the ones you can turn to even when you have no connection to the rest of the world. They will be all you have. To betray that bond is the one crime vampires cannot forgive. The mere idea is unspeakable to them. And on the rare occasion it does happen… the consequences are severe.”

“Simon. That’s why he was banished. It wasn’t just a matter of aiding a vampire criminal was it?” He asked.

Magnus nodded. “Raphael is the clan leader. He gave an order. For the good of the entire clan Camille had to stay imprisoned, to let her out was to release a threat to them all. Simon did more than just ignore Raphael’s ‘no’. From their point of view, he proved he was willing to side with _outsiders_ over those willing to become his family. He betrayed them in every meaning of the word. There is only one acceptable punishment in a case like that and Raphael had to uphold it no matter how much he liked Simon. The consequences if he had not would have been far worse.”

“But Simon didn’t betray them. I mean, he did but it was to keep them safe from a different threat. One that was just as real, if not worse, than Camille.” he argued. 

“Yes. Which brings us to what happened this afternoon.” Magnus responded. “Raphael exiled Simon because he had to. At the time it was the only option available to him. Later he learned that Simon wasn’t actually guilty, that he’d only taken action to protect the clan. At that moment he felt responsible for Simon’s death. It didn’t matter what or who else was involved, at the time Simon was one of Raphael’s and Raphael didn’t protect him and allowed it to happen. He felt guilty.”

He thought back to that night in the bar and Raphael’s sincere apology. “Yeah, I- that sounds about right.” 

Magnus nodded. “When Raphael found out Simon was alive it made things both better and worse. On one hand, he didn’t cause Simon’s death, Simon was alive and he had a chance to fix things. On the other hand, the fact remained that he had exiled Simon and drove him to suicide. It’s not something he can fix with a mere apology and he isn’t expressive enough to accurately describe how he feels about everything that’s happened in a single conversation. Clearing the air with Simon is going to take a while. That’s where Alec took over. He’s a good judge of character and he’s had time to consider what would happen if the truth about Simon ever came out. He didn’t send off Simon to the battlefield this afternoon or whatever other nonsense you were thinking. He only gave Raphael an excuse to take Simon back with him and it’s for the best. Simon _belongs_ with other vampires, not werewolves or shadowhunters, and he’ll be welcomed back at the hotel with open arms. Raphael will make sure of it.”

He looked at Magnus with new understanding. In the distance, two children commandeered the park and their shrieks carried with the wind. He winced at the sudden loud noise and stood up to stretch. “Thank you for taking the time to explain Magnus. I never blamed Raphael for what happened to Simon but I was worried about what he’d do to him _now_. A man’s crimes don’t disappear upon his death or revival and I couldn’t be sure how Raphael would react now that Simon was alive. For all I knew not only would his prior punishment stand, but he’d be angry over the deception.”

“Raphael’s not _that_ bad.” Magnus murmured. “But I concede you have a point.”

He laughed and reached out to pat Magnus on the shoulder. “Thanks for the talk. I’ll give them a few days to adjust before I start making demands to see Simon, but after that it’s fair game. I suppose I’ll see you back at the Institute tomorrow then?”

“Tomorrow.” Magnus agreed. “And then we’ll see just how far the seelies’ ‘good intentions’ run.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was a monster of a chapter. 15 pages before I was happy and got everything in. A few notes to add: Fergus (and seelie in general) insist on calling Luke by his old shadowhunter name because they're kinda a**holes and like to remind him of where he came from and what he lost. Fergus was very surprised by how long Alec resisted telling the truth because people typically crack within the first minute or so. By the end Alec was under immense pain, although the effects do dissipate quickly. 
> 
> Thank you so much for your support with this! I really wasn't expecting the amount of praise and excitement this fic gathered, originally it was supposed to be a very short fic that somehow turned into 45 pages (and counting). Because of that, I'm considering expanding on this universe and turning it into a series, so let me know in the comments if you would like to see future installments. There will be a 5th chapter to close out Simon's story.


	5. A Late Night Visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Simon's POV

It was just after dark when he slipped into the Institute through the back way and nearly ran into Andrew headfirst. The shadowhunter took an immediate step back and reached towards his belt, but stopped once he saw his face. “You’re the last person I’d expect to be sneaking around. I didn’t think you knew  _ how _ to sneak.” Andrew laughed. 

“Very funny.” he grumbled. Andrew had always found his odd comments and quirks funny. He’d originally been trained in a more modern Institute so he was the only one around that actually understood some of Simon’s movie references. Alec usually just looked at him with a confused stare. Speaking of…

“I’m actually looking for Alec. Is he free right now or has he finally been buried under a pile of paperwork?” he asked.

“Alec always has paperwork piled up. The bigger question is whether or not he’s in a meeting. The Clave’s been all over the Institute during the last few days.”

“Oh.” He bit his lip. If his timing was bad maybe he should just go back to the hotel. He didn’t want to be a nuisance and cause trouble for Alec when Alec has already done so much for him… 

“Don’t make that face.” Andrew gave him a quick pat on the shoulder. “You were in the Institute long enough to know how Alec will work himself into the ground if you give him a chance. It was  _ your _ idea to set up a schedule to interrupt him every few hours just to make sure he ate. Taking a break right now would actually be good for him.”

He remembered the disgruntled look on Alec’s face when he finally figured out they were interrupting him on rotation. The memory made him smile. “If you’re sure it’s a good time I’ll happily be the distraction, just make sure you clean his office while we’re out. I don't even want to imagine what kind of disaster it looks like if he’s been fielding the Clave all week.”

“Done.” Andrew nodded and left. He watched him vanish into the distance before entering the Institute himself, making his way through the building and up to Alec’s office. As he traversed the halls he received a few hands raised in greeting, most from shadowhunters he’d met and worked with over the last few months, but there was definitely more than one new face. He’d have to ask Alec about those later. 

He finally made it to the back corner of the Institute and knocked on the lone door in the second floor hallway. He heard a faint grunt from inside and assumed that was all the acknowledgement he was going to get, so he pushed open the door and stepped inside. The scene he found was exactly what he expected: Alec sat behind his desk, hair ruffled and looking stressed.

He tried not to smile and cleared his throat. “Knock, knock.” He called out cheerfully.

Alec lifted his head just enough to look at him before closing his eyes and sighing loudly. “How long do I have to deal with your presence then? As you can see, I’ve got work to do.”

“Don’t act so annoyed you know you love me.” He moved into the room up to the desk, and idly flipped through the pages of the paper stack closest to him. “How long have you been at it?” he asked.

“Too long.” Alec snorted. “The seelie matter has given me more paperwork in the last 2 weeks than I’ve had in the last 2 years. I don’t know why there’s so much, we haven’t even decided what to do about it yet. Raziel, I’ve still got Fergus locked up in the basement!”

“Why’s he still here?” 

“The Seelie Queen sent Meliorn to come collect him but I refused. Raphael and Magnus are both furious over what happened and want to be involved with how it proceeds. They both agree this is an opportunity to force the Queen to stop doing as she pleases and think we should keep him for as long as possible. I've agreed to hold him until we have a chance to make a plan in detail. She's not happy but since everything is on our side for once she doesn’t have much of a choice.” 

He let out a soft hum.  _ That sounded stressful. _ “Sounds like a good time for a break to me.”

Alec looked horrified. “I tell you I have two weeks of work due in three days and you want me to stop working on it?”

He couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m telling you to take a few minutes away from the paperwork and rest your brain. Take a walk with me and when we get back Andrew and I will help you with some of the simpler forms.”

Alec raised an eyebrow. “Losing half-an-hour to work or gaining two slaves, how could I possibly choose.” He said dryly. “You drive a hard bargain Lewis.”

“If I was that good at negotiating I’d be a lot richer than I am now.” He bit his lip and stared at the desk. “Actually, all jokes aside, I was hoping we could talk for a bit.” 

“Is everything okay? No one’s giving you trouble at the hotel are they?” Alec was the only one he knew who could pull off sounding both concerned and angry at the same time so well.

“No, no, nothing like that!” The last thing he needed was Alec thinking there was some weird form of vampiric abuse going on. “It’s just…” he trailed off, not really sure how to describe how he felt.

Alec looked at him for a long moment before setting his paperwork to the side and standing up. “A break doesn’t actually sound that bad. We’ll take a loop around the block. The air will help clear my head.”

He felt a small smile creep onto his face. It was times like this that made it hard to remember he was once afraid of this guy. Alec grabbed his jacket and they were off, making their way through the Institute towards the same back door he’d used to get in. They cut through the ops center on their way, where Isla was hitting down some notes from the last patrol shift. Alec reminded her to leave them on his desk for when he returned and she nodded before they continued on. He looked back as they left the room and she gave him a ‘thumbs up’ behind Alec’s back. Alec paused to let him zip up his coat again,  _ okay so maybe he didn’t feel the cold anymore but like he  _ knew _ it was still cold out _ , and they left the Institute, walking aimlessly down the street. 

“So things are going okay at the hotel?” Alec asked quietly as they crossed an alley. 

“Yeah, the others were surprisingly okay with Raphael dragging me back. Like, don’t tell her I said this, but I think I saw Lily actually  _ cry _ a little. And some of the others hugged me. It was surreal.” He admitted. “Turns out no one took my room yet so the stuff I left was still there. No offense, but it was nice to be in my own clothes again.”

Alec looked him over with one eye and snorted. “If this is what you normally wear I think you were better off borrowing other people’s clothing.”

“Hey, Star Wars was the best movie trilogy! Don’t mock them! And someone who wears nothing but black doesn’t get to criticize my fashion choices.”

“Alright, alright I get it.”

He huffed and looked up at the sky. It could be difficult to see the stars sometimes in New York with all the tall buildings around but this section of town was pretty empty. 

“It feels awkward sometimes.” He admitted suddenly. 

“What does?”

“Being at the hotel. When I first started living there, after everything happened, I was still kinda fighting it you know? I was still in the phase where I wanted to believe my life would go back to normal someday. I was trying to make the best of it but at the same time I wasn’t really worrying about  _ connecting _ with the others. I knew them a bit but it all felt kind of superficial. Right as I was starting to hit that point the whole bit with Clary happened and I was uprooted again. So now on one hand I get why I belong at the hotel but on the other I feel like I’m starting over from scratch with everyone there because of my months at the Institute. I guess it’s the ultimate form of displacement. It doesn’t help that the clan is treating me like I’m made of glass. I find glasses of blood left out next to my favorite chair in the library and they pull me into every conversation at dinner, yesterday I was carrying a book downstairs and Stan literally took it out of my hands saying, ‘let me carry that for you’. They’re trying so hard at this point I don’t know what to say to any of them.”

“This may not be what you want to hear, but you tried talking to Raphael?”

He shook his head. “Raphael hasn’t been talking to me much. Every once in a while he’ll run into me doing something and he’ll start to make some comment or yell at me like he used to and then he just… cuts himself off. Sometimes he’ll finish mumbling it in Spanish but other than that he doesn’t speak. It would feel weird to go to him over this, like I only want to talk to him to complain.” 

“Maybe it’s not just Raphael.” Alec offered. 

“You mean he’s being influenced by the others?” he asked, lost.

Alec laughed. “I mean, maybe you’ve been a little quiet yourself.” He looked at him blankly. “You just admitted you feel a little uneasy in the hotel. Raphael probably knows this and is trying to make things smoother by not screaming at you and scaring you off. Guilt and responsibility aside, he’s not sure how you would take it right now. Your other clanmates just feel guilty. They’re trying to make you feel welcome now that you’re back, even if it’s a little strong.”

He blinked. “So what do I do about it?”

“Act normal for starters.” Alec told him as they rounded the corner. “Just act like you did before you- left, and eventually they’ll start responding in kind. Do the same with Raphael. Break into his office sometime while he’s working and just start ranting like you do best. He’ll be forced to yell at you and you can go from there.”

_ Was it really that simple _ ? “That… may actually work. I can’t believe I didn’t think of that.” 

“You got caught up in their nonsense. It’s natural for you to not think of a simple resolution.” Alec glanced at him again. “Speaking of resolutions…”

“Alec?” That statement didn’t sound good. 

“The trial concluded last week. The Clave has made its decision.” Alec stated. 

He stopped for a moment, stunned, and had to jog to catch up. “And?” he prompted.

“We are allowed to use whatever intelligence was obtained from Camille to pursue waking Jocelyn Morgenstern. They agree she may have valuable information on her husband and they’ll decide what to do about her afterwards. They will keep their word in regards to Camille as well, her fate will be left to the New York Clan to decide once she’s been found.”

“You know that’s not what I’m asking.” he said quietly. 

“I know.” Alec said, equally quiet. “Clarissa was found guilty of overstepping her authority and revealing the Shadow World to a mundane. The charges related to your murder were dropped as we are holding Camille independently responsible for that and they apparently didn’t consider the blackmailing incident ‘serious enough’ to warrant the charges. They basically said that the only thing she did wrong was threaten to do it after the fact rather than immediately. Typical.” Alec rolled his eyes. “Considering she never had formal training or understood the details of the laws she’s now held by she’s getting off easy. Mandatory training, the full deal, in Idris until they feel she’s up to par with other shadowhunters her age. I can tell you that training will be brutal. Afterwards she’ll be under suspension for 2 years at a still undetermined Institute in Europe. They believe her punishment will be more effective if she’s isolated from anyone she’s connected to, who she could hope to influence. I have to agree.”

He swallowed, his mouth bone dry. Sure Clary had hurt him but this seemed excessive. She’d have no support, cut off from everyone she knew. “Maybe…”

“If you’re about to say we should keep her around, I suggest you reconsider.” Alec cut him off. “Think about how she used you since she first met Jace, and I don’t just mean that last time with Camille. I’m thinking about how she managed to twist two shadowhunters who knew better into following her every command. I hope she’s put somewhere where she’s at a disadvantage so that they can deal with her appropriately. I certainly don't want her anywhere near New York.”

_ Yeah, okay he got that. _ When Alec put it that way he definitely made a convincing argument. “What about Jace and Izzy?” he asked. “I haven’t seen either of them since the arrest but it’s been over a month now.”

“They stayed with our parents in Idris for a bit while I waited for their training to start. I didn’t want to deal with Jace when he found out you were fine and I didn’t want Izzy pestering you when you were healing.” Alec said. “They actually received extra training after their original sentence because Jace lipped off to the instructor towards the end. She didn’t appreciate it. They’re slated to finish  _ that _ in a few days. Izzy will be coming back here afterwards for her in-house suspension but Jace wants to stay in Idris for a bit.” 

Alec sighed. “I don’t know what he’s thinking but I hope it has nothing to do with Clarissa. He’s not going to be allowed to follow her overseas after all.”

They reached the end of that block and turned around, heading back for the Institute. “I’m sorry about Jace and Izzy.” He said. “It can’t be easy to have to punish them like this.”

“No, but it’s just as hard to know they’re capable of what led them here.” Alec shoved his hands in his pocket. “On the bright side, my youngest sibling, Max, is coming home permanently in a few weeks so I have that to look forward to.” 

“What’s he like?” he asked. 

“I think you’ll like him. He’s completely different from the rest of us.” Alec laughed.

“So long as he’s nothing like Jace.” They rounded the last corner and the Institute came into view. He reached out to grab Alec’s arm and brought them to a stop. 

“What are you going to do about Jace, since he’s staying in Idris?” He looked Alec in the eye and whispered. 

“I made a note in his medical records that someone used one of his blood bags for a transfusion and had an allergic reaction. The remaining supply of his blood was thrown out immediately as a result. Shadowhunters can’t use mundane hospitals for treatment, so the blood issue will be seen as just severe enough to keep Jace from donating anymore. Since he’s perfectly healthy and has taken blood transfusions before they won’t bother looking into it or testing anything.”

“That’s good. I was really worried that it would get out.” he said relieved.

Alec’s brows furrowed. “You don’t have to worry Simon. We didn’t spend all those months hiding and training you to let it slip out so easily. Jace has no reason to suspect anything and even if that changes you leave it to me. You’re one of mine now and I take care of my people. You just have to act as you always did.”

“You really think that’ll work?” 

“Yes. There hasn’t been someone like you in centuries, no one has any reason to suspect it. I wouldn’t have allowed you to leave with Raphael if I didn’t think you’d be okay there. Just remember what Andrew and I taught you and watch what you say. No one will know you’re a daylighter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still alive! Sorry, the wait for this chapter was forever long but I managed to end it exactly where I wanted. I purposely left a lot open-ended as I do plan to turn this into a series, so at some point in the future we will find out what happens with the seelies. The later installments will also go more in-depth with Simon's transition to daylighter but I feel I made the general facts obvious enough. Let me know your thoughts and if there is any unanswered questions you'd like me to revisit in the future. I'll try to add them in the mix as I don't quite have a concrete plan yet!

**Author's Note:**

> I promise the story does not stay this bleak forever.


End file.
